This is a complete transcript of the episode Adam Up.
(Adam, Bree, Chase & Leo are in the lab. The Rats are completing a training on a virtual training platform) Leo: Great job, guys. You just took out an entire unit of virtual cyborgs.
Eddy: (appears) I think it's sad that you have to invent people to play with you.
Adam: All right Leo, I'm off the clock. Let's get outta here.
Chase: Whoa whoa whoa! Just 'cause Mr. Davenport's away doesn't mean we stop training.
(Leo and Adam groan)
Chase: How do you think I feel? I'm missing a four-hour documentary on the history of the Printing Press.
Adam: But Leo and I were gonna play human bull's-eye bounce... don't worry, it's way more dangerous than it sounds.
Chase: Human bull's-eye bounce. Is there any way you can get a good enough bounce to land in the emergency room? 'Cause that would save us a lot of time.
Bree: Nope. He's right, Adam. As much as I enjoy watching you get hurt and -- (laughs) I really do-- we have to train.
Leo: Oh, come on! The adults are away! If we don't take advantage by doing something destructive, we're no better than... Chase.
Chase: I'm sorry, but unless he can be in two places at once, he's training. Come on, let's get the bo staffs.
Adam: Oh man, I never get to do what I want. It's not fair.
Bree: Aww. Are all of your cool bionic abilities and top secret missions getting you down?
Adam: Thanks Bree. I knew you'd understand. (to Leo) Sorry, buddy.
Leo: Too bad you can't be in two places at once.
Eddy: Well, now he can! 'Cause it's time to play "Eddy's Will It Or Will It Not Blow Up In Your Face". A riding mower, a set of barbecue utensils, or a cellular duplicator.
Adam: Ooh, I really want to ride something on grass! But I do love the grill.
Leo: Eddy, we're gonna go with the cellular duplicator!
Eddy: (makes a beeping sound) Good choice! This lovely state-of-the-art device scans human DNA and creates a life-like double using synthetic bioplasma!
Adam: Too complicated. Go for the riding mower.
Leo: No. This is how we can make two of you. It makes a non-human twin out of a human.
Eddy: That's right. But be careful, it's not fully tested so there's a small chance it could go horribly wrong.
Leo: Then, why are you telling us to use it?
Eddy: There's a small chance it could go horribly wrong.
Adam: I'll give it a shot. Where is it?
Eddy: I'll give you a hint. (makes another beeping sound. Adam & Leo find the duplicator)
Leo: How does it work?
Eddy: It just needs a sample of your DNA.
Adam: Ooh, I got this. (spits in the duplicator which swings into action)
Leo: You know, you could've just put a hair in there, right?
Adam: Ew, that'd be gross. (the duplicator drops synthetic bioplasma) Aww, look. It has my eyes. (A Duplicate Adam is formed from the bioplasma) Whoa!
Leo: Awesome. (Adam raises his hand, and so does Duplicate Adam. They raise their other hands, turn around and shake their butts) This may have been a big mistake.
(Theme song plays)
(Bree and Chase re-enter the lab with three bo staffs. Bree hands one of them to Duplicate Adam)
Chase: All right. Break's over. Fire up the simulator. Adam, please remember: the cyborgs are fake, but I am real.
Duplicate Adam: Just one question: is this real? (hits Chase)
Chase: Ow! Why did you do that?
Duplicate Adam: Because real pain's funnier than fake pain. (hits Chase again)
Chase: Uhh! Ohh!
Bree: You're a genius? Ha! Even I saw that coming.
(Bree and Adam handshake)
Duplicate Adam: Oh. Aww!
(Adam and Leo are watching on the security system)
Leo: This is great. They're totally buying duplicate you.
Adam: I know. The only thing more fun than hitting Chase is watching me hit Chase.
Leo: Let the human bull's eye bounce begin!
Adam: Whoo! (handshakes Leo) Okay. It's as easy as it looks. Jump as high as you can and try and land in one of the point circles.
Leo: Cool. It's just like being at a real carnival.
Adam: I know. I even covered the floor with popcorn and mystery goo.
Leo: (sarcastically) Thanks.
Adam: I'll go first. The key is to get a lot of bounce and then worry about accuracy.
Eddy: (appears) Oh, just hurry up and get hurt!
Adam: WHOA!!!! (crashes) Quick! Get me down from here! I've gotta do that again!
(Next scene. Bree & Chase are at Mission Creek High)
Principal Perry: Hey. (goes to them) Hansel and Gretel. My niece is visiting from.... um... wherever she lives, and I'mma assign you two to be chaperones for a couple of days.
Chase: Oh, uh... well, see, I can't.
Bree: We are so sorry.
Chase: ... 'Cause I gotta be--
Principal Perry: Oh, that's so cute. You think you have a choice. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Bree: But why would you need us to show her around? You can't stand us.
Principal Perry: Oh, you've notice. Look, my niece's sweetness and... if she hangs around the cool kids, they'll corrupt her. That's why she's hanging with you. If it's unclear, let me spell it out: you're not cool.
Kerry: (sweet) Hi, aunt Terry.
Principal Perry: Kerry, darling. This is uhh... give me a second... Kevvvinnn... Suzzzzannnn...
Bree: Bree and Chase.
Principal Perry: No one really cares.
Kerry: (sweet) Nice to meet you. I'm Kerry Perry. Thanks for showing me around. I hope it's not too much of a bother.
Bree: No, no. We are happy to be forced to help.
Principal Perry: Great. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm headed to the chem lab to sear off a wart.
Kerry: (sweet) Bye, aunt Terry! Hee hee! (turns mean) Here's the deal, ladies. I'm skipping school and hitting the mall. And when I get there, I'm gonna plant a dead fly in my burrito and eat for free.
Chase: Sorry, but as your chaperone--
Kerry: Shut it, squat-mug! Little elves called-- they want you back at the tree to make cookies.
Bree: Umm... you can't talk to us like that.
Kerry: Ha! Just did, boy hips! I'm outta here.
Chase: You can't just go.
Bree: Yeah. What are we supposed to tell your aunt? Besides the fact that she should round up some bail money.
Kerry: Tell her I was with you two nimrods all day! And, you better do my homework, or else you'll get this: (sweet, bawling) Aunt Terry! They were so mean to me! Make them pay! Make them pay! (mean again) So we're good? Later, peeps.
Chase: Okay, she is definitely a Perry.
(Next scene. Leo is in the cafetaria when he gets a phone call)
Leo: Go for Dooley.
Adam: (on phone) Hey, how's it going?
Leo: Great, duplicate Adam is acting just like you... (looks at Duplicate Adam, who is making a massive apartment building out of sausages) although he did get a D+ on your geography test.
Adam: A D+? He better dial it back or we're gonna get caught.
Leo: So how's everything going at home?
Adam: Oh, great. I'm just finishing up a "nacho volcano". Oh no! The cheese lava's coming! Run for your lives, people of Jalapeñia! No!!! No!!! Don't worry, I'll save you with my mouth. (imitating airplane)
Leo: Hey, Adam. That is nacho responsibility. (laughs) Okay, bye.
Adam: Wait wait wait. I wanna talk to me.
Leo: It's for you.
Duplicate Adam: Who is it?
Duplicate Adam: Oh, hello.
Adam: Hey, how am I?
Duplicate Adam: You're good. How am I?
Adam: You're good.
Duplicate Adam: Just so you know, I'm not crazy about this whole school thing.
Adam: Oh, well I'm having a blast. I'm about to go ice fishing.
Duplicate Adam: What?! How you gonna do that?
Adam: I froze Leo's fish tank.
Duplicate Adam: No way, I gotta go. (rushes away)
(At home, Adam looks too close to his nacho volcano and he gets cheese on his nose)
(Next scene. Bree & Chase are handing homework to Kerry)
Chase: Math homework, chemistry homework, history homework.
Bree: And, here's your art project. Don't expect an A.
Kerry: Don't expect a thank you. Now give me twenty bucks.
Bree: For what?!
Kerry: Milkshakes for me and my girls. (steals money out of Bree's purse) Fork it over, princess!
Chase: You just got a shakedown by a pre-teen!
Kerry: I'm thirteen, bum-sweat!
Chase: Were you raised by a gang of bikers?
Bree: That's it. We are done with this. Principal Perry, we need to have a little discussion about your niece.
Principal Perry: We sure do. She loves you two.
Chase: What?! That's impossible.
Principal Perry: I know. I find you repulsive. Thanks for watching Kerry. This morning, I got to spend an extra hour at the dog track!
Bree: Okay, that's great. But we--
Principal Perry: So now I need you to watch her tonight. I'm playing flag football with the sheriffs.
Chase: And how do you get to play flag football with the sheriffs?
Principal Perry: Go to enough highway wrecks with free pizza and they'll let you in. Anyway, if you watch Kerry, I might just forget about the detention days you you've accrued.
Bree: What detention days?
Principal Perry: You mouthin' off? You just got detention!
Bree: What?! You can't do that!
Principal Perry: Just did, Sally sideburns!
Bree: That is it. We are done watch--
Chase: Can you just give us one second please? (takes Bree away from Kerry & Terry) Look, okay. The girl is a nightmare but if we do this, we might get on Principal Perry's good side.
Bree: The woman has many sides. None of them are good. Fine, I'll do it.
Chase: We've discussed it, and Kerry is more than welcome to come over tonight.
Principal Perry: There you go again-- acting like you have a choice.
(Next scene. Adam is in the kitchen when Leo enters the house)
Leo: Hey, where's duplicate Adam? I lost him at lunch.
Adam: He came home so he could go ice fishing with me.
Adam: Yeah, it's a long story but remember your goldfish Beyonce?
Adam: (takes a frying pan with something frying in it) She'll be joining us for dinner,
Leo: Just tell me where your duplicate is.
Adam: Hey, relax. I told him what Chase told me: Unless you can be in two places at once, it's back to school.
Leo: But he didn't go back to school.
Adam: Well, then where is he?
(Next scene. Adam & Leo rush to the lab where they find three Duplicate Adams, with a fourth one forming right at that moment)
Leo: What are we gonna do?
Adam: I don't know what you're gonna do, but we're gonna start a boy band. (makes a few dancing moves, the 4 Duplicate Adams follow his lead)
Adam: Okay, which one of me is responsible for this?
Three Duplicate Adams: (pointing at the fourth Duplicate Adam) He is.
Guilty Duplicate Adam: I only duplicated myself once because you said I had to go back to school.
Adam: Can't argue with that.
'Guilty 'Duplicate Adam: Then the duplicate I made didn't want to go to school either.
Adam: Again, makes sense.
Leo: Adam, we have to do something.
Adam: I know! Let's make one more duplicate and make that one go to school.
Leo: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (breaks the duplicator)
Adam: You broke my me-maker.
Leo: And you fried Beyonce, we're even! Okay, we need to find a way to get rid of those guys. I'll go get Chase, you stay down here and keep an eye on them.
Adam: Well, looks like we're stuck here for a while so let's get to know each other. I'm Adam.
Duplicate Adams: No way, that's my name... that's my name... that's my name!
Adam: No! What?!
Duplicate Adams: No way, that's my name... that's my name... that's my name!
(Next scene. Kerry has arrived at Davenport's house, with Bree & Chase in the living room)
Kerry: (sweet) Bye, aunt Terry! Love you! (car drives away, Kerry returns being mean) Ohh. Her car is disgusting. I don't know where the kitty litter ends and the cookie crumbs begin!
Bree: All right, Kerry. You're on our turf now. So we're not gonna put off with you bossing us around.
Kerry: I'm not staying with you losers. I'm going to the skate park to throw marbles in the half pipe and then sell ice packs in the parking lot.
Chase: That is pure evil.
Kerry: You call it evil? I call it a lucrative side business. Oh, my taxi's here. Don't wait up. Ha ha ha.
Bree: Aren't you gonna go after her?
Chase: Aren't you gonna go after her?
Bree: Fine, we'll both go.
Leo: (rushes in) Hey. Hey, guys! Um... we have a serious problem with Adam.
Chase: You'll have to be more specific.
Leo: Yes. There are five of him.
Bree: What are you talking about?
Leo: We made duplicates.
Adam: Hey, guys.
Leo: Adam, what are you doing up here? You're supposed to be downstairs watching the other Adams.
Adam: Hello? They're our guests. It would be rude not to offer them drinks. "Two waters, 1 OJ, an one berry-infused decaf green tea, soy milk on the side". One of me is very high-maintenance.
(Next scene. Three Duplicate Adams are playing paper-rock-scissors. They all choose scissors, sigh and try again. They all choose paper)
Duplicate Adam: Ohh! That's twenty in a row! (all present Duplicate Adams sigh. Adam, Bree, Chase & Leo enter)
Bree: More Adams? We will never be able to air this place out.
Adam: See, guys? There's nothing to worry about. They're all here.
Chase: I thought you said there were four duplicates.
Adam: Yeah, (counts Duplicate Adams) one, two, three, (has run out of Duplicate Adams and counts himself as the fourth one) four. Uh oh.
Chase: Just go track down the missing Adam. I'll keep an eye on them and find a way to reverse the duplication process. Where's the duplicator?
Leo: Well, there's a shard of it underneath your shoes.
Chase: You broke the duplicator!?
Leo: Hey, that thing was squirting out an Adam every ten seconds. What did you want me to do?
Chase: Just go find the missing Adam!
Duplicate Adam: Um, we were told there would be beverages.
(Scene changes to living room, Adam and Chase are looking for duplicate Adams)
Chase: Do you really think that your duplicate would be hiding under the cushions?
Adam: Oh, he's definitely been there. My couch cookies are gone.
Chase: I figured out how to get rid of the duplicates. When an electrical current flows through them, they vaporize. I already used this to zap three of them downstairs. Now, we just have to find the one last Adam that got away.
(Bree walks in with a duplicate Adam)
Bree: Found him.
(Leo walks in with a dupicate Adam)
Leo: Found him.
Chase: Guys, what is going on? There was only supposed to be one Adam left.
Duplicate Adams: Hi, everyone... those guys look just like us, you're wearing what I'm wearing.....
(Adam, Bree & Chase look into the kitchen where they see 15 more Duplicate Adams)
Bree: No. No. I cannot handle this many Adams. The WORLD cannot handle this many Adams. This is Armageddon!
Leo: It doesn't make any sense. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's breaking things and I definitely broke that duplicator.
Eddy: (appears) Well, did I not mention that the duplicates can multiply on their own? They just had to learn how. And guess what, I taught them.
Principal Perry: (at the door) Yoo-hoo. Anybody home?
Chase: Guys, that's Principal Perry.
Bree: Great. So now there are eighteen Adams walking around and no Kerry.
Chase: Shhh. Let's just pretend we're not here.
Principal Perry: I heard that. You don't think my parents tried that on me at Christmas? Kerry? Are you okay? (knocks on door) Open up!
Chase: Everything's fine! We just need a second.
Principal Perry: Listen up, little pigs: I've got a welding torch and a battering ram in my trunk. This could go easy or this could go hard.
Chase: (zaps 17 Duplicate Adams) That's only seventeen. There's one left. Where is he?
Bree: I don't know.
Principal Perry: LOOK OUT BELOOOOOOW!
Leo: Did you just shimmy down the chimney?
Principal Perry: It's okay. I'm a professional. Used to be a chimneysweep back in the nineties. I learned the hard way not to wear a skirt... Now, where's my niece?
Bree: Uh, she's just getting her things together. She'll be out any minute.
Duplicate Adam: Hey, guys.
Principal Perry: What's going on? Why are there two of you?
Chase: You must've got some soot on your glasses.
Leo: Oh yeah, yes you did. Let's get those cleaned right off. Hey! Maybe, we can have a snack. Would you like a celery stick?
Principal Perry: What do you think? Point me to your premium meats.
Bree: Hurry up and zap them.
Chase: All right. Which one of you is the real Adam?
Both Adams: I am.
Bree: What are you waiting for? Just zap 'em both.
Chase: I can't. If I zap the real Adam, the jolt of electricity will fry his bionic infrastructure.
Bree: Well, you gotta zap one of 'em.
Adam: May the best Adam win.
Duplicate Adam: Good luck, bro.
Both Adams: Ho...
Bree: Hurry up before Perry sees!
Principal Perry: Your tartar sauce is expired! Can I have it?
Leo: I think you're good.
Chase: All right, whichever of you is the real Adam, show me what you've got.
Adam: You asked for it.
Chase: Wait. No-- no! No! No! No! (Adam throws Chase across the room) Aaah!
Duplicate Adam: Bye bye.
(Bree zaps the Duplicate Adam)
Principal Perry: Uh, remember, next time I come over, I like my salami spicy. Now, where is Kerry?
All: The thing is... she's just... uh..... (they are saved by Kerry entering the house)
Principal Perry: Kerry!
Kerry: (sweet) Aunt Terry! You're here! I was just taking a stroll on their lovely grounds, and... I must have gotten lost.
Principal Perry: So, you're okay?
Kerry: (sweet) Okay? These two have been wonderful to me. I'm just sad I'm not gonna get to hang with them anymore.
Principal Perry: Well, then I have some good news. I'm enrolling you at Mission Creek so then you'll get to spend every day with... Steee... and Duu....
Bree: Bree and Chase!
Principal Perry: Yeah, I still don't care.
(Last scene. Adam, Bree, Chase & Leo are watching TV when the bell rings)
Adam: Oh, pizza's here. I'll get it. (Gets the door, not realizing the delivery guy is a Duplicate Adam)
Duplicate Adam: One large pepperoni for Adam.
Adam: Thank you very much, Adam. (closes the door) That's so weird. That pizza guy looked just like me. Uh-oh.
Bree: Oh boy. Yup.
Chase: I'll grab the zapper. (runs after Duplicate Adam with Bree & Leo)
Adam: Hey! There's three pieces missing! That's so like me. (eats pizza)