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Back From the Future/Transcript

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This is a complete transcript of the episode Back From the Future.

Transcript

Donald: Okay, your mission supplies are packed, the schematics have been uploaded into Chase's chip, and your transport is on the way. Did I forget anything?

Bree: No, we'll just guess what the mission is and see how it all plays out.

Donald: All right. A particle collider is a three-mile long underground facility where scientists--

Chase: Race subatomic particles at each other at light speed for energy experiments. (giggles) So cool!

Donald: I know!

Chase & Donald: Deedle-deedle-dee!

Donald: There is a particle collider in Berkeley that is accelerating out of control, and your mission is to shut it down.

Adam: Oh ho! Awesome! I hope one of us knows how to do that.

Donald: Okay. We have to act quickly. The scientists that operate the facility-- 'scuuuuse me-- have already evacuated the control center, and if we don't shut it down in time, it will create a massive black hole that will implode the entire planet.

Leo: Today?! No, that's not gonna work. Today is Shelly Evans' birthday, and her mom makes the best cupcakes! I'm just sayin'. That woman doesn't skimp on the sprinkles.

Donald: Don't worry, Leo, you will get your cupcakes. Adam, Bree and Chase have all the training they need to shut the collider down.

Leo: I don't know, Big D. I think these guys are gonna need some... back-up!

Donald: Yeah, and that's why you're gonna be back-up! here in the lab with me.

Adam: Oh, he said "backup" and you said "backup." Saying things twice makes it funny! Oh! Saying things twice makes it fun--

Donald: Stop it!

Man: No, no, no!!! Aaaah!

All: Aaaah!

Donald: Nobody panic! Probably just the cable guy.

Man: Come on, Big D, I just came from seven years in the future. Your time machine actually worked! It's me! Leo!

Adam: Whoa! The cable guy's got the same name as you!

Leo: Wait. If you're really me, then you'd know the handshake I came up with in case I ever became a spy.

Man: Requesting authentication, Double-O Leo.

Leo: It really is me!

. . .

Donald: So you're... the future version of him. Do you know what this means? I cracked time travel! Ha ha ha! I cracked time travel, I cracked time-- Can you do me a favor? When I see you in seven years can you remind me to tell me how awesome I am? Lemme high-five. Like that.

Leo & Future Leo: Oh, I'm sure you won't forget. Hey, he just said what I said! Technically, I just said what I said. Okay, you're gonna have to stop doing that. Stop. Stop. Stop!

Future Leo: It's so good to see you guys!

Chase: It's good to see you too... older, yet strangely similar Leo.

Donald: So, uh... (chuckles)... what did time travel feel like? Did your body mass increase exponentially as you accelerated towards light speed?

Future Leo: Uh, I pushed the button, felt a lot of wind, there was a big flash-- but yeah, mass and speed stuff.

Adam: So if you're from the future... then what color are my eyes?

Bree: Ignore him. Come on, future Leo, let's jump to 2025 and see what people are wearing. I want to start now and be a trend-setter.

Future Leo: Sorry, but it took Big D years to just scrape together enough zanol fuel for me to come here once and go back.

Bree: Ohh. Fine. But if I end up wearing mom jeans and hair scrunchies, you are gonna get back in that thing and fix it.

( cell phone buzzing )

Donald: Oh. The collider mission. You guys have to get ready. Head to the equipment room and gear up.

Bree: Nice to meet you, future Leo!

Adam: Yeah, congrats on growing out of your awkward stage!

Leo: Hey, why didn't you just bring future Adam, Bree and Chase with you? Let me guess. You just hopped in the time machine and took off without them. That is so future me.

Future Leo: Actually... that's why I'm here. Adam, Bree and Chase... don't make it to the future.

Leo: What?!

Adam: Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Forgot to pack my pudding.

. . .

Donald: What do you mean Adam, Bree and Chase don't make it to the future?

Future Leo: You sent me back here with a video that will explain everything.

( beeping, whirring )

Leo: Whoa, what is that?

Future Leo: It's a holophone.

Donald: I invented the holophone?

Future Leo: No. But you did wait in line six days to get one.

Future Donald: Greetings, past Donald.

Donald: That's me? Please tell me the holophone adds a hundred pounds.

Leo: Even if it did, what about the other two hundred?

Future Leo: The next seven years are pretty hard on you, Big D.

Leo: (snickers) Or should I say "Bigger" D? Am I right?

( laughing )

Future Donald: If you are watching this, we cracked time travel! Ha ha! Inter-dimensional high five.

Donald: I just high-fived my future self! What?! Look at me! Let me have some joy.

Future Donald: I sent Leo back in time to stop you from sending Adam, Bree and Chase on the particle collider mission.

Donald: What? Why?

Future Donald: Now, I'm sure you're asking "What? Why?"

Donald: I know myself so well.

Future Donald: As a scientist, I am loath to change the past. But in this case, I have to make an exception. Adam, Bree and Chase... don't return from the mission. Send an automated rover in their place. It's the only chance we have to save them. Oh, and by the way-- (clears throat)-- every time you say, "Hey, I think this calls for a cookie," think about this.

All: Aaaah!

( shouting, whimpering )

Donald: How could I send them on a mission they don't return from?

Leo: And how could you let your hair recede with so many trusted over-the-counter remedies available?

Donald: If Adam, Bree or Chase hear any of this, it'll shake their confidence in future missions or their confidence in me. Please tell me you won't say anything to them.

Future Leo: I promise.

Leo: Future me... speaks for both of us.

Donald: There's not much time. The collider situation's getting worse by the hour. I gotta go build that rover.

Chase: We're good to go, Mr. Davenport. We'll check in once we reach delta point.

Donald: No! Uh, I-I mean, the mission's off.

Adam: But you said it was urgent.

Donald: Did I say "urgent?" I th- I think I said "urge...ing" I was like urging you not to go on the mission.

Bree: Why?

Donald: Because I'm sending an automated rover that can shut down the collider via remote. (coughs) As soon as I build it.

Chase: An automated rover? You might as well send a handbag on a skateboard. The three of us can handle--

Donald: No!!! I said no, and I mean it. My decision is final. Now just... everybody go get ready for school.

Future Leo: Thank you. Future you would thank you too, Big D.

Leo: Or should we say "Bald"-D?

( both laughing )

. . .

Leo: So, you know everything that's gonna happen?

Future Leo: Not everything. Little stuff can change without affecting the big stuff. For example... Last time that was you. Smelled like kiwi for a week.

Leo: Janelle!

Future Leo: Oh, that's just painful. You have no idea what's coming your way, do you?

Leo: What do you mean?

Future Leo: You'll see... at 8:27.

Leo: What's supposed to happen at 8:27?

Janelle: Hey, Leo!

Leo: Hey, Janelle!!!

Janelle: So, who's your friend?

Leo: Oh, that's me. Oh... "Meo." My cousin Meo! It's short for Meopold.

Janelle: "Meo and Leo." That doesn't sound made up at all.

Leo & Future Leo: Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha--

Janelle: So, anyways, uh, Leo, do you want to see a movie tonight?

Leo: Did she just--? And you knew--? 8:27! Yes. Yep. Done. Totally. Toast my goats.

Janelle: I'll see you there at seven.

Future Leo: Things are gonna go really well tonight. Check it out. That's you two in seven years. Pretty cool, huh?

Leo: Are you wearing a pink tie?

Future Leo: It was a gift from Janelle, and we love it.

. . .

Leo: Hey, Big D. I got an "A" on my history test.

Donald: Yeah? Did you cheat by getting the answers from future you?

Leo & Future Leo: So, how's that rover coming along?

Donald: It's almost ready.

( crackling, small explosion )

Donald: You know what, are you sure Adam, Bree and Chase don't make it?

Future Leo: Yes, I'm sure. I'll show you. We downloaded the security camera footage from the control room.

( alarm wailing )

( whooshing; powering down )

Donald: They shut it down. They completed their mission. You came back for nothing. I think this calls for a cookie.

Future Leo: You haven't seen the ending.

( cheering, whooping )

( alarm resumes wailing )

( crashing, explosions )

Donald: Scratch that cookie.

( sighs )

Donald: I gotta get this thing mission-ready.

Chase: Aha! So it's still not mission-ready. Why won't you just let us go?

Donald: No, no, that won't be necessary. I just need to by a few things... from NASA. They're having a sale. Everything's a million off. Uh, I'll be gone for a couple of hours. Leo, you're in charge.

Leo & Future Leo: You got it, Big D.

Donald: Future Leo.

Leo: Aw, come on!

Adam: He thinks this mission's too big for us.

Leo: It's not that he thinks it's too big--

Future Leo: Leo. We promised.

Bree: I guess Davenport just lost confidence in us.

Chase: Or he lost confidence in you two.

Bree: What is that supposed to mean?

Adam: Yeah, I'm the one always carrying you two. You're the weak links!

Chase: Oh, I'm the weak link? You can't even spell "weak link."

Adam: Can to.

Chase: You're brain dead! You--

Adam: What are you talking about?!

( arguing )

Leo: Guys! Guys! Guys! Enough! Future me came back here to warn Davenport not to let you go on the mission because you don't come back from it.

Future Leo: God! I never listen to myself!

Adam: Don't come back?

Bree: Wow. I guess this means we're... not invincible.

Chase: It all makes sense now. This is why Mr. Davenport forbade us to go.

Future Leo: Nice going.

Leo: I had to tell them. Davenport didn't want to undermine their confidence, which is exactly what he did by not telling them. Don't you shake my head at me.

. . .

Leo: Hey! Hey. Careful. Handsome is delicate. Should I really be going to a movie with Janelle considering there still might be a slight chance the earth might implode?

Future Leo: Well, it is a pretty good movie.

Leo: It's a note from Adam, Bree and Chase. They went on the mission!

Future Leo: What?!

Leo: "Dear Mr. Davenport, we went to stop the collider. We know we won't make it back, but that's a small price to pay to save you, Leo and the rest of the world. P.S. Sorry we get blowned up." Pretty sure Adam wrote that last part.

. . .

Leo: We have to tell Davenport about Adam, Bree and Chase on the mission.

Future Leo: Oh, no. It's happening.

Leo: What?

Future Leo: The series of events I was sent back here to prevent.

Donald's Voicemail: You missed me, but leave a message for Davenport, Davenport, Davenport Industries!

( beep )

Future Leo: It's the same awful voicemail for the next seven years!

Leo: I can't imagine my life without Adam, Bree and Chase.

Future Leo: I don't have to imagine it-- I lived it, and it's awful. Davenport is so distraught he spends the next seven years trying to build a time machine so he can stop this one event and get them back.

Leo: Why didn't he just come here himself?

Future Leo: I don't want to bore you with the time travel details, but mass plays into the calculations, and he did not want to write down his weight in front of me.

Leo: He didn't fit into the time machine?

Future Leo: You saw that man. He doesn't fit into anything.

. . .

( alarm wailing )

Chase: Oh, it's redlining! Adam, bust open that control panel. Okay. Bree, run to the collider and use your super-speed to create a vacuum to slow that thing down.

Bree: Oh, sure. Give the girl the vacuuming job.

Chase: Would you just go?!

Bree: Done.

Chase: Great.

Bree: Wow. So, I guess this is it.

Chase: Yeah. Let's not talk about it.

Bree: You know what I just realized? I'm never gonna get to wear white and walk down the aisle.

Adam: Aw. You wanted to work at the movie theater, too?

Chase: Yeah. And I guess I'll never get to be the first president of a self-sufficient underwater colony. So long, Chaselantis.

Bree: We were a good team while it lasted, guys.

Chase: Yeah. Thanks for always being there.

Adam: Of course.

Bree: You too.

Chase: Hey, can you hand me that voltometer?

Adam: Get it yourself, dork.

Bree: I'm busy over here.

. . .

Future Leo: I'm not letting you do this. It's too dangerous.

Leo: I'll be fine.

Future Leo: I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about me! Besides, you're gonna miss your date with Janelle.

Leo: I'm okay with it.

Future Leo: Again, I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about me!

Leo: Look, I'm the only chance Adam, Bree and Chase have. They don't know that the room collapses. If I can get there quickly, they can shut down the collider and I can still get them out in time!

Future Leo: No. Davenport's rover will fix everything. Besides, you're still in that clumsy phase where you goof stuff up.

Leo: Look, I'm the one who messed up by telling Adam, Bree and Chase their fate. If they don't come back, I'll never forgive myself.

Future Leo: Fine. Then I'm going with you. It's time to send in some...

Leo & Future Leo: Backup!

Future Leo: We'll take Davenport's turbo-speedster.

Leo: I'll drive!

Future Leo: Can't reach the pedals.

Leo: You'll drive.

. . .

Chase: This isn't working! Nothing is working. We're running out of time.

Bree: What are we gonna do?

( high-pitched electrical whining accelerates )

Chase: I'm gonna have to fry the control panel with my force field. It's our last chance of shutting this thing down. Adam, rip out those wires and get out of the way. Hurry!

Adam: I love rippin' stuff out!

Chase: Huhh!

( collider powering down )

Chase: Yes! Guys, we did it! We shut down the collider!

( laughing )

Adam: Whoo-hoo!

Donald: Adam? Bree? Chase?

Adam: Dude, Mr. Davenport turned into a wheelie robot!

Donald: I'm monitoring you remotely via the rover, Adam. What are you guys doing there?!

Adam: Leo told us what happened, but you designed us to save the world, so we had to come.

Leo: Guys!

Donald: What's Leo doing there?!

Leo: Did you shut down the collider?

Chase: Yeah, we just finished.

Leo: Then get out of there, fast.

Future Leo: The room is about to collapse.

Adam, Bree & Chase: What?

( loud rumbling )

Leo: Uhh!

Donald: No! No!!!

( rumbling, crashing )

Adam, Bree & Chase: Leo!

Bree: Leo just saved our lives. That was supposed to be us.

Chase: He didn't need bionics to be a hero.

Adam: He owed me five bucks!

Chase: Wai-- Wait a second. If Leo's gone, then shouldn't you be gone too?

Future Leo: I don't know. This is all new to me.

Bree: Leo's still in there! Adam, dig him out! Leo!

Leo: Next time when I say "Get out," get out!!!

Donald: He's okay.

Adam: Oh! I am so happy you are alive! You owe me five bucks.

( rumbling, clanking )

Chase: Oh, no! The blast door is sealing!

Adam: Aaaahhhh!!!

Chase: Everyone out, now!

( alarm wailing )

. . .

Donald: Thank goodness you guys are all right. What were you thinking?! Get in here! Uhh! Uhh! And you are grounded until... you become you.

Future Leo: Look, Big D, I know you were worried, but it all worked out. I-- I mean we-- changed the course of the mission and saved Adam, Bree and Chase.

Leo: I think what he's trying to say, if they saved the world and I saved them, then I saved the world!

Donald: Still grounded. By the way, Janelle dropped by. She seemed a little upset.

Future Leo: Uh-oh.

Leo: I end up alone with a dog?!

Future Leo: You better fix this! I'm not walking down the aisle with that.

Adam: Don't be silly. You can't bring a dog to the movies.

Future Leo: Well, now that you guys are safe, I guess I should get back to the future.

Donald: Courtesy of me. I did that. I just like to remind everybody that I cracked time travel. That was me.

Chase: Thanks for coming back for us.

Bree: And for helping save our lives.

Adam: Yeah, and for showing us that our time is precious, so if we're gonna make fun of Leo's height, we gotta do it now. Unhh!

Leo: Stay smooth.

Future Leo: Only if you do. Enjoy the next seven years, man. They go by in the blink of an eye.

( powering up )

Leo: Wow. (choking up) I miss me already.

. . .

Leo: Then a particle collider went berserk and could have created a black hole that would have collapsed the planet, but Adam, Bree and Chase went to try and fix it, until a version of me from seven years in the future-- (deep breath)-- came back in time to warn us not to let them go. But they went anyway, so I had to save them instead of going to the movies with you.

Janelle: Oh, okay. That makes perfect sense. We're totally cool.

Leo: Really?

Janelle: No.

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