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This page is a transcript for Bionic Action Hero. Please add to the contents of this page, but only sentences and parts that pertain to the episode Bionic Action Hero. |
This is a transcript of the episode Bionic Action Hero. It's still under construction.
Transcript
Douglas: Guess who I just got off the phone with? Giselle Vickers.
Bree: The big Hollywood filmmaker?
Leo: She is legendary! She made all the killer zombie trucker movies. Because of her, I can't be at a truck stop.
Douglas: That's right. And get this. Her next blockbuster is going to be called Bionic Action Hero.
Adam: Awesome! What's it about?
Douglas: A Bionic Action Hero.
Adam: Huh. Save your money sounds like a flop.
Chase: Woah Woah Woah! The same person who makes those lame zombie movies are going to make our movie? No way.
Leo: Must you ruin everything?!
Douglas: Relax, Chase. Giselle's an old college friend. We spent a lot of time in the robotics lab together before she switched careers. We even dated a bit.
Bree: What happened?
Douglas: Sometimes people grow apart.
Bree: She dumped you didn't she?
Douglas: Worst day of my life! And I've been to prison 4 times! Anyways, she wants the film to portray bionics accurately, so she's coming over here to research with the actor that's playing you guys.
Chase: I think you mean actors.
Douglas: No. In the film there aren't 3 bionic superhumans. To simplify it there's just one with all your abilities.
Bree: So who's the actor?
Adam: Oh, I bet it's Dami Judi Dench.*immitates her* Look at me! I'm bionic!
Douglas: No, it's some new guy named Troy West.
Chase: Oh, so they're just gonna throw some rookie in the leading role? I don't ant any part in this.
Bree: You know, I hate to say it, but I agree with Chase. You only have one chance to have your live turned into a movie. It should be done right.
Leo: Exactly. So who's playing me? Denzal, Will Smith? Oh who am I kidding? Those guys can't bring the Dooley.
Douglas: Sorry Leo. There is no character based on you.
Leo: What?
Douglas: It's called Bionic Action Hero, not kind of Bionic sort of Action Hero.
Adam: Look, if they want someone to play Bionic Action Hero, Why don't they use me? I'm an actor. I starred in a school play.
Bree: You had one line. And you forgot it.
Adam: Just because it's in the script doesn't mean you have to say it. Plus i can do my own stunts. The guy who played Superman can't stop a real locomotive, but i can.
Chase: Oh, yeah? Well, the hydra loop is closing. I bet you can't stop that.
Adam: Hah! I did it.
Chase: Uh- uh. You stopped the doors, but you didn't stop the hydra loop.
Adam: (Screams) Did it stop?
...
Douglas: Is everybody ready? Troy and Giselle will be here any minute.
Bree: You seem kind of nervous. If i didn't know any better, I'd think you you were trying to get your old girlfriend back.
Douglas: That's ridiculous. How's my hair? Too spiky, not enough spike? Just the right amount of spike?
Bree: Never mind the spike. what are you going to do about the grays?
Douglas: Grays?!
Hydra loop opens
Troy: Whoa. look at this place.
Douglas: Hey, Troy. Welcome to the Bionic Academy.
Troy: Thanks I'm really happy--
Douglas: Giselle.
Giselle: Douglas nice to see you. Still rockin' the same old spikes, huh?
Douglas: I can change. What do you like? Side part, middle part, mullet?
Giselle: Hi I'm Giselle. So honored to be telling your story. And this is Troy West, the actor who will be playing you in the movie.
Bree: Hi.
Troy: What's up guys? It's really nice to meet you.
Adam: Ah, I get it now. You got my body, Bree's hair, but I'm not seeing the Chase. He's perfect.
Chase: Oh, come on. You seriously buy that this guy's bionic? I mean, compared to me--
Adam: Dude, you really don't wanna go there.
Troy: Hey, thanks for letting us come here to do our research. I can't believe I'm actually standing here with three bionic heroes.
Bree: I'm not seeing anyone. Uh... that's not normally what I lead with, but I'm not seeing anyone.
Giselle: We won't get in your way. I'm just here to check out the academy so I can make the movie as real as possible.
Troy: And I'm just here to learn about your bionics so my performance will feel authentic.
Adam: Ah, totally get where you're coming from, Troy. I'm a big-time actor myself.
Troy: Really? Movies?
Adam: Uh, school plays. But, I did see a mom filming it on her phone, so it's only a matter of time before it hits theaters.
Troy: ...I see... So what did you feel was the key to your character's inner life?
Adam: Oh, I got to wear a cowboy hat, and ride a wooden pony.
Chase: And that's all you need to know about Adam.
Leo: Why, hello. You must be Giselle. I'm Leo, the fourth and most important member of the team.
Giselle: Of course, I know all about you Leo.
Leo: Then you also know that my fascinating life would make a fantastic sequel. Or we can just forget about the little cocktail weenies, and focus on the main course. Me.
Douglas: Why... don't you guys go show Troy some bionic moves? That'll give Giselle a chance to walk around this place, and remember how adorable I am.
Giselle: Heh... we are going to be walking for a very long time.
...
Adam: So you really think you have what it takes to be a bionic superhero?
Troy: I hope so. Hey, I've been training really hard. Check this out. It's one of Chase's abilities.
Chase: What was that?
Troy: It was your bionic eye scan. Hey, don't worry. Once they add some special effects, it'll look really cool.
Chase: No, it won't, 'cause you're doing it wrong. It goes like this.
Troy: Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, no, I totally get how that's different.
Bree: Okay, so now who's helping out with the cheesy movie?
Chase: I am not helping, I am critiquing his mediocre performance.
...
Leo: Now the T-shirts, they would say, "Leo Dooley's bionic army." Get it? Army. 'Cause I have a bionic arm.
Douglas: Leo, would you please give this lovely woman her space?
Leo: If you need someone to write me into the script, I am your man, I'm a born typist. Best hunt and pecker in the business. Thirteen words a minute. I also direct.
Douglas: That kid. He would do anything to impress you. You know, Giselle, it's too bad that you couldn't see all the other brilliant things that I created outside of here. You could make a whole movie just about Marcus.
Giselle: Marcus.
Douglas: My greatest invention. An advanced android with all of Adam, Bree, and Chase's bionic abilities. Believe it or not, he was even more powerful then they are.
Giselle: Well where is he? I'd love to see him.
Douglas: You can see parts of him. They're buried in a huge pile of rubble in my old lair.
Giselle: I'm sorry. Your lair?
Douglas: Yeah. Technically, it's a suburban basement, but by law, you have to call it a lair if you use it to torture people.
...