This is a transcript of the episode Hole In One. It's still under construction.
Donald: Hey, guys, check this out. I picked this up at auction today, and it only cost me a million dollars.
Adam: Wha--? For a sheet? Boy, I guess I'd better start saving up if I'm gonna be a ghost for halloween.
Donald: It's a painting, Adam, by a very famous artist named Von Schtopp.
Leo: Hm. I wish I would have been there to "Von Schtopp" you from buying it.
Adam: What is it?
Donald: It's abstract art, Adam. It's whatever you think it is.
Bree: I think it's a crying woman.
Chase: I think it's a storm at sea.
Leo: I think someone just blew a million bucks.
( musical ringtone plays )
Donald: That's me. Davenport Industries. Hello? Uh-huh. Oh, boy. All right. Looks like I've got to put out a fire at work.
Chase: What happened?
Donald: Betty from accounting got her head caught in the positron collider again.
Donald: That's gonna be messy. Can you guys put that in the art vault for me?
Leo: Wait, you have an art vault?
Donald: When are you guys gonna learn? I have a everything. ( chuckles ) But whatever you do, do not touch the Davenportraits.
Leo: What's a Davenportrait?
. . .
Leo: Am I screaming out loud or just inside my head?
Chase: I'm just gonna say it: Davenport is one weird dude.
Adam: Ah. Voila. The Van Schto--
Bree: Ew, gross, gross, gross...!
Leo: Turn around! Not on me!
Adam: Ah-choo! Whoa.
Chase: Adam, what did you do?
Adam: Oh, I think that sneeze accidently triggered my heat vision!
Leo: Big D is going to freak out!
Chase: Let's not panic. This hole is barely noticeable.
Chase: That, however, is incredibly noticeable!
Leo: Adam, if you're going to destroy paintings, do it to those!
. . .
Chase: Adam, I cannot believe you just destroyed Mr. Davenport's million-dollar painting!
Bree: Mr. Davenport's gonna kill us when he sees what happened.
Adam: Okay, well, maybe he won't notice if we fill the room with things that look much more hideous.
Bree: More hideous? Have you seen the Daven Lisa?
( ding )
Leo: Hey. Big D. What are you doing back?
Donald: Uh, I forgot something. I forgot that I left my million-dollar painting in the hands of the four most destructive teenagers in the world! Please tell me it's okay.
Chase: It's fine.
Bree: Looks great.
Adam: It's fine. Great.
Leo: Hey, wait. Hey. We've already seen this one, and it's boring. I would like to know more about this beautiful... what are we looking at?
Donald: Yeah, I remember posing for that one. You know it took us hours to get the fruit positioned just right?
Leo: Well, you've just killed apples for me.
Donald: I was gonna be the big banana, but I thought that'd be a little too much.
( nonsensical sound )
Chase: Don't do that!
Donald: Why not?
Chase: Because. B-Because I... have an idea. You should pose for a Daven-Sculpture.
Donald: Daven-Sculpture! Yes! Chase, your brilliance is only matched by your good taste. I'm gonna get to work on that right away. Oh! Get ready, guys, for six feet of stone-cold me!
Bree: Six feet?
Donald: There's a pedestal!
. . .
Chase: Okay, Mr. Davenport's gonna be at the sculptor's studio for a few more hours. They're only up to his knees.
Bree: How do you know that?
Chase: Because he's giving me a photo play-by-play.
( all reacting )
Leo: Okay, there's got to be some way to fix this painting.
Chase: I know. We can make a replica. I can pull an image of the painting from my internal hard drive and project it onto a blank canvas. Then we can trace it and paint over it.
Leo: That'll never work. We can't paint that fast.
( clears throat loudly )
Adam: Hey, do you mind? We're trying to think over here.
Bree: I can paint that fast.
Adam: Good for you. Quit bragging and help us come up with a solution.
. . .
Chase: All right, here we go. All right, Bree, do your thing.
Bree: Done and done. What do you think?
Chase: It's perfect.
Leo: Can't tell the difference.
Adam: Still ugly.
Chase: All right, well, we don't have much time. We'll go hang the replica. Adam, you take care of the original.
Adam: What? What am I supposed to do with it?
Chase: Hide it someplace that Mr. Davenport will never find it. Make it disappear!
Adam: Okay, but I'm gonna need a magic wand and a volunteer from the audience. How 'bout you, young lady?
Bree: Just go.