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This is a complete transcript of the episode Leo's Jam.

Transcript

Leo: Guys, with the dance coming up, I thought you could use a lesson on how to ask a lady out.

Adam: Oh, great. Do you know a guy who can teach us?

Leo: Me! You're gonna watch me ask out the girl of my dreams: Danielle.

Chase: Danielle? Isn't she the girl who uses you as a footstool in math class?

Leo: Where else is she supposed to put her feet-- on the floor?! Open your notebooks, boys, 'cause class is in session. Hello, Danielle. Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Enough to break the ice. I'm Leo Dooley.

Danielle: Didn't you send me 87 e-mails?

Leo: Yeah. That was a slow day.

Danielle: Okay, well, see you later, Lenny.

Leo: It's Leo, by the way.

Chase: So, Leo... What should I write down in my notebook? I mean, other than "denied".

Adam: No, no, no, you can cheat off of me. I have, "She's not going to the dance with Lenny."

Bree: Are you guys talking about the dance too? Why is everybody making such a big deal out of this stupid dance?

Chase: Nobody's asked you yet, have they?

Bree: No! I really wanna go with that guy. His name is Ethan. We sit next to each other in chemistry. Coincidence? I think not. Chemistry! What should I do?

Chase: I got this. He's talking about a girl he thinks is cute.

Ethan: Yeah, Bree's cute and I really like her, but... I don't know how to ask her out, you know?

Chase: Ooh! He's talking about you! He's coming over here right now to ask you to the dance.

Bree: What?! No! Now? Why? Really?

Ethan: How's it going?

Chase: Ethan! What a huge surprise! To see you here, for reasons we do not know.

Bree: Hey, Ethan. How... uh, you know.. we... uh, you know... decided... What is that over there?

Ethan: Where'd she go?

Adam: Uh, more importantly, what is that over there?

. . .

Leo: Okay, you win.

Chase: Hey, guys, I finally figured it out.

Adam: Oh, me too! Do not eat the outside of a pineapple. Ooph! That'll come back to haunt you!

Chase: No. I figured out how to make Danielle like Leo. I recorded her with my bionic hearing. Let me play it back for you.

Danielle: In the movie, the hero punched the bad guy and stole the baby right out of the alligator's mouth. I would so go out with a guy like that!

Adam: Perfect! You get the alligator, I'm gonna go round up that baby!

Chase: Adam, no. She wants a hero. We just have to make Leo look heroic.

Leo: Well, that's a dead end. What else should we do today?

Adam: If only there was a way you could borrow my bionic strength.

Leo: I can't do that. That's all you've got.

Chase: Wait a minute-- Adam's on to something. Which is quite an achievement for someone that doesn't know how to eat a pineapple.

Adam: Hey, I got it down, didn't I?

. . .

( whistling )

Leo: No, no, no. He's fine.

Adam: No, no, no, I'm good.

Leo: He's great.

Adam: Thank you!

Leo: Yeah.

Chase: Ooh! They're coming! Commence phase one of Operation Lady For Leo.

Leo: ( stilted delivery ) Oh, no! This man is trapped! He looks like he need a hero to save him. I will take charge and heroically do just that!

Adam: ( stilted delivery ) Oh, no! We're running out of time. Save me before the alligator comes--

Leo: ( kicks lockers ) Wrong rescue! I will lift these lockers! One...two...three! So heavy!

Adam: ( gasping ) You're a true heroic take-charge hero!

Danielle: Oh, my gosh! I can't believe that just happened!

Leo: You know, it takes a big man to do something like--

Danielle: How are you not hurt? You must be so strong.

Leo: Wait. What? No! He's not the strong one; I'm the strong one! Hero!

Danielle: Maybe I should walk you to the nurses' office.

Adam: W-What about Leo?

Danielle: He's not hurt.

Leo: Look at me! I'm an open wound!

Adam: Really, I-I'm fine.

Danielle: Okay, good, 'cause the dance is Saturday, and I love dancing. Maybe we can hang out.

Leo: Great plan, Chase.

Adam: What are you talking about? That didn't go at all like we thought it would!

. . .

Leo: You stole my woman! Where I call from, we call that a love crime.

Adam: It's not my fault I look brave under lockers. I was trying to help you.

Leo: How? By saying you'd go to the dance with her?

Adam: I'm keeping my options open. It's the first a girl's ever been interested in me, and it's kind of nice.

Leo: "Ooh! It's kind of nice 'cause she has--"

( screaming )

Adam: Stop it, little man! You're gonna hurt yourself!

Chase: Hey, Hey, Hey! No! Hey! Guys, this is getting out of hand. It's like watching a chihuahua fight a horse. Is Danielle really worth all of this?

Adam & Leo: Yes!

Chase: Adam, you cannot go to the dance with Danielle. It wouldn't be fair-- Leo wanted her first!

Adam: Hey, all is fair in love and fake locker accidents. Fine. He can have her.

Leo: It's too late. The damage is done. I'll never love again.

Chase: Leo, I'll talk to Danielle. I'll convince her that Adam's not an option and that she should be with you.

Adam: Yeah, go to the dance with her, but everybody's gonna think you're dating your babysitter.

( screaming )

. . .

Chase: Well, if it isn't little miss flash and scram.

Bree: Ha ha. Very funny. I think I scared Ethan off.

Leo: Ya think? You left skid marks in the hallway.

Bree: Well, I think there's only one way to fix this-- I have to ask him to the dance.

Chase: Well, here's your chance-- He's at his locker.

Bree: Uh, hey, Ethan, could I talk to you for a second. Oh, no.

Ethan: I've got to make it quick 'cause I'm on my way to-- Bree?

Bree: Over here.

Ethan: But... you were... Okay, why are you up there?

Bree: You know, just... helping out the janitor. I mean, this place is "dust-ay!"

. . .

Tasha: Hey, Bree, how's it going?

Bree: Horrible. Ethan was gonna ask me to the dance, but I got nervous and ran away. Every time I see him, I panic and act like a total...

Tasha: Dork monster?

Bree: Huge dork monster.

Tasha: Look, you are not the first girl to act weird around a boy she likes.

Bree: I flew across the room and jumped on top of the lockers.

Tasha: Yeah, that's probably a first.

Bree: Whenever he's around, I get all flustered and glitchy, and I just want to eat my face so I don't say something stupid.

Tasha: Honey, next time you see him, just breathe! Stay in the moment, and your jitters will go away. Or just wear high heels. That way, when you run away, you'll wipe out like a downhill skier.

. . .

Chase: Hi... Danielle? Sorry to barge in on your gossip session that you may or may not have been having. Remember that guy who heroically lifted a wall of lockers?

Danielle: The tall, good-looking guy?

Chase: No, actually, the smaller, more interesting-looking guy.

Danielle: Oh! My sturdy little footstool!

Chase: Bingo! Anyway, I know you like my brother Adam, and that's creating a problem in his friendship with Leo, so I was kinda hoping that maybe you'd go to the dance with Leo instead.

Danielle: Oh, that is so sweet! You're worried about your friend! You know what? I know how to fix this whole thing.

Chase: See? I knew that if I just talked to you, everything would work out.

Danielle: Sure did. I'm gonna go to the dance with you! See you there, cutey!

( gasps )

Chase: Hi! Guys! So... here's the deal. Danielle's not going to the dance with either of you.

Adam: What?! Who's she going with?

Chase: Me!

. . .

Adam: How could you swipe Danielle away from both of us?

Chase: I didn't swipe her away, okay? She just kind of fell in my lap like a beautiful, flowery angel from heaven--

Leo: We get it!

Chase: Look, I didn't mean for this to happen.

Adam: Oh, so you're not taking her to the dance?

Chase: Of course I'm taking her to the dance. She's like a cottony-white lamb who frolics in a--

Leo & Adam: We get it!

Chase: I may not know any dance moves, but a girl is interested in me for the first time ever. How can I say no to that?

Adam: Oh, you say no. "N-o-o" No! Whatever happened to "It's not fair. Leo had her first"? Okay, you say not to do something, and you do the exact same thing. You're a total hypnotist!

Leo: You know what, Adam? I think we should give Chase a break. I mean, it is his first go-around on the carousel of love.

Adam: What? Are you kidding me? Oh, he's on a carousel, all right, and he's riding a big, plastic horse named betrayal!

Leo: Let's face it, Adam, the best man won. Oh, no. I'm the best man, and I'm going to get her back at the dance. It is on, "O-n-n" On!

Chase: Thanks, Leo. You sure you're not mad?

Leo: If I can't have Danielle, I'm glad you can. Did you say you don't know how to dance?

Chase: Yeah, but I'm just gonna download a dance app off the internet or something.

Leo: Oh. Okay. But is the refrigerator dance even on the internet yet? I mean... it's just so new.

Chase: The what dance?

Leo: ( gasps ) You don't know about the refrigerator dance? Everybody's doing it, but... I'm sure you'll find something.

Chase: Wait! No! Show it to me, please.

Leo: Well, I don't really have time to... Okay, here's how it goes. I call out an action, and you mime it. Let's try it.

Chase: Okay.

( beatboxing )

Leo: ♪ Open the fridge ♪

Chase: ♪ Open the fridge ♪

Leo: More feeling!

( beatboxing )

Leo: ♪ Open the fridge ♪

Chase: ♪ Open the fridge ♪

Leo: ♪ Get the milk ♪

Chase: ♪ Get the milk ♪

( beatboxing )

Leo: ♪ Check for leftovers ♪ Toss your leftovers ♪ With a little booty shake ♪ And you said you don't know how to dance.

. . .

Adam: Aww, where's Danielle? She dump you already?

Chase: No. She's in the bathroom.

Adam: Ah. She's probably climbing out of the window to get away from you.

Bree: Hello, boys.

Leo: Okay, if you're gonna dance in those shoes, I suggest wearing a helmet.

Ethan: Hey, Bree. Wow, you look great. You okay?

Bree: Yeah, I'm fine. Just... groovin' to the beat.

Ethan: Cool. Let's dance.

Bree: Um... I don't know how.

Ethan: Come on, it's easy. You just kind of move a little and spin around the dance floor. Now you try.

Bree: Okay. Move a little, and... spin around the dance floor.

( comical shouting )

Ethan: Okay, what is going on? First you run away from me, then you jump on top of the lockers, and then you trap me into a dance cyclone.

Bree: I'm sorry. I'm just... really nervous 'cause... I kind of like you.

Ethan: Well, I like you too. You know how long it took me to build the courage to walk over here and ask you to dance? I had to practice with my mom.

Bree: Did she at least say yes?

Ethan: Yeah. We're going bowling Friday night.

Bree: So, you want to try that dance thing again?

Ethan: Yeah, but let's wait a couple of minutes. I'm still nauseous from the last one.

. . .

Danielle: There you are. Wanna dance?

Chase: Actually, I'm feeling a bit famished. I think it's time for the refrigerator.

Leo: Do your thing, big boy.

Chase: Follow my lead. ♪ Open the fridge ♪ Grab the eggs ♪ Open the mayo Spread the mayo All over your face ♪ I want a pickle ♪ Fishin' for a pickle ♪

( laughing )

Chase: ♪ Now, grab that pickle and swing ♪ Now, grab that pickle and swing ♪

Danielle: Stop! What are you doing?

Chase: I'm swinging an invisible pickle! Oh.

Adam: Ahem. Mmm. That was the worst thing I've ever seen, but it also brought me the most joy I've ever known. Now, how 'bout I show you how a real hero dances?

Danielle: Aaahhh!

Adam: Talk about a lightweight. Ooh, here she comes.

Danielle: Put me down!

Chase: Bet Chase can't toss you around like a rag doll.

Danielle: Get away from me!

Adam: Oh, come on! I haven't even swung you around by your feet yet!

( phonograph record needle scratches )

Leo: Cue it up, G!

( dance music playing )

♪ We're gonna make it ♪ Gonna rock our bodies from left to right ♪ Left to right ♪ We're gonna make it Yeah, we're shooting for the satellites ♪ Satellites ♪ Drop the beat, tropical ♪ They're gonna move their body to the groove ♪ Fly away, shy away ♪ Rock 'N' roll with the punches ♪ Dance the night away ♪ Wanna get it right-right , get it right tonight ♪ Floating through the club like a satellite ♪ Any of us know what got us here? ♪ Super party's rockin' in the atmosphere ♪ Ohh ♪ Everybody's going over the edge tonight ♪ Edge tonight ♪ Ohh ♪ We're moving through the sky like satellites ♪ Satellites ♪ We're gonna make it, make it ♪ We're gonna make it, make it, make it ♪

( cheers and applause )

Leo: All right, everybody, give it up for my Aunt Janice and her book club!

Danielle: That was awesome!

Leo: Oh, it's just a little something for the kids.

Danielle: Shall we?

Leo: Consider it shall. Easy on the cape, mama, it's custom.

( slow song ends )

( applause )

Danielle: The song is over. Hello?

Leo: Oh. Sorry. You smelled so good, I kind of passed out.

Danielle: What is up with your weird friends? You'd think this was their first dance.

Leo: Actually... it is.

Danielle: Ah. Homeschooled, huh?

Leo: You have no idea.

Danielle: So, wanna go get some punch?

Leo: You know what? I gotta go. Hey, guys! What's up?

Chase: You already won, Leo. Do you have to rub our noses in it?

Leo: I wanted to apologize. I'd never do something like this to my friends, but... You guys aren't my friends.

Adam: Leo, "FIY," this is the worst apology ever.

Leo: I'm saying you're not my friends because you're my brothers.

Adam: Aww! Yeah, you're like the brother I never had.

Chase: Adam, you have a brother.

Adam: No, I know. I said like the one I didn't have.

Chase: You know, Leo, you're not the only one who should apologize. We've all been jerks.

Leo: Nah! You know what? Let's never let a girl come between us again.

Adam and Chase: Deal.

Leo: Starting tomorrow.

. . .

Leo: Cue it up, G!

( dance music playing )

♪ We're gonna make it, make it, make it ♪ We're gonna make it, make it, make it ♪ Gonna rock our bodies from left to right ♪ Make it, make it, make it ♪ Left to right, right, right ♪ Everybody get down tonight ♪ Sending out a signal like a satellite ♪ I can see the flight, but it ain't a-risin' ♪

( vocalizing )

♪ Rock the beat, tropical ♪ They're gonna move their body to the groove ♪ Fly away, shy away ♪ Rock 'N' roll with the punches-- dance the night away ♪ Any of you know what got us here? ♪ Super party's rockin' in the atmosphere ♪ Everybody's going over the edge tonight ♪ Edge tonight ♪ Ohh ♪ We're moving through the sky like satellites ♪ Satellites ♪

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