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Missin' the Mission/Transcript

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This is a complete transcript of the episode Missin' the Mission.

Transcript

( cheering )

Donald: Great work. Flawless execution. Now that is how you lead a mission.

Chase: Why, thank you.

Donald: I was talking about me. But every olympic podium needs a bronze and a silver, so.

Adam: Whoo-hoo! I medaled!

Donald: Whoa! Ugh.

Bree: Don't look at us. You're the one that gave super strength to a box of rocks.

Leo: Hey, guys. How'd the mission go?

Bree: Great. We fixed the Pentagon's communication satellite and returned it to orbit.

Chase: I even rigged it so we get every TV channel in the world! Who wants to watch Guatemalan drag racing?!

Leo: Did my suggestions come in handy on the mission?

Chase: What suggestions?

Leo: I did a ton of strategic research and gave it to Big D.

Donald: Oh, right. I'm sorry, Leo. I didn't have time to use it.

Adam: Yes, you did. You spilled your coffee and used Leo's research to mop it up.

Leo: You used my suggestions as a sponge?

Donald: More like a paper towel. But it was very absorbent. Why don't you guys go clear out the rest of your gear.

Leo: We need to talk. I'm done being the water boy. I wanna be a part of the team.

Donald: Leo, I told you, you can't be part of the team. You're not bionic. And besides, statistics show that most accidents happen within a three-mile radius of you.

Leo: But I've grown. I've matured. I wear medium now.

( beeping )

Leo: Look, I know I can't go on missions, but I can help you in other ways. You keep ignoring me!

Donald: Hmm? I'm sorry. You know what? Maybe there is a way you can help out around here.

Leo: Finally. Thank you.

Donald: Here. You can type up the mission summary reports.

Leo: You want me to be your secretary?

Donald: No. Secretaries get paid. You'd be doing this for free.

. . .

( all laughing )

Perry: Not so fast!

( all groan )

Perry: You three missed school yesterday… not that I didn't enjoy it. But it’s been happening way too much lately. Look at this attendance report.

Chase: You still keep paper records? You know, we have computers now… also indoor plumbing and fire.

Perry: Do you really wanna poke the bear?

Leo: Do you really wanna use that analogy?

Perry: Shut it, Dooley! I've been working out. Don't make me flex my guns. You three are in big trouble.

Bree: Oh, actually we’re not, ‘cause we have a note from our dad. He signed it and everything.

Adam: With his name.

Perry: Oh, well, I’m sorry. My bad. That changes absolutely nothing! Just because your dad lets you cut school doesn’t mean I have to. Somebody has to be the disciplinarian. It’s like I tell my cats…

( hisses )

Perry: See you three in detention!

Chase: Great. We miss school for a mission and get punished. This isn't fair.

Leo: No, it really isn't. Well, you guys have fun.

. . .

( beeping )

Leo: Summary reports are done. And may I just say, I’ve never felt so alive.

( beeping )

Leo: So what are you working on?

Eddy: Hi!

( screams )

Eddy: Ha! Now none of you are safe!

Donald: I designed a robot body for Eddy. Isn’t it cool? He can now patrol the grounds, he can disable explosives, and he can mix two paint cans at the same time.

Eddy: Look what else I can do!

( gasping )

Donald: Isn’t that great? What do you think?

Leo: Well, at least I’m not the shortest person in the room anymore.

Eddy: Now what do you think?

Leo: I think I’m gonna start locking my door at night.

Eddy: You better hope that was water!

Donald: It’s mostly water.

. . .

Perry: Welcome to Dingo detention… or, as I like to call it, me time! ( chuckles ) I used to be a maximum security prison guard, and I still have the scars from the electric chair to prove it. It was the middle of night and I thought it was the can. It happens. You wanna see?

All: No!

Perry: Bottom line, there’s no escape. All the exits are covered. In Dingo detention, we have two simple rules: No talking…

( beeping )

Perry: And no cell phones!

Bree: And apparently no mouthwash.

( coughs )

Perry: Jokes on you, I gargle with vinegar. We will be on total lockdown for the next three hours. And that begins… now! ( chuckles )

( alarm sounds )

Chase: Guys, I just got an urgent mission alert from Mr. Davenport.

Bree: Oh, no. What are we gonna do?

Adam: Guys, Perry said no talking! Excuse me, we’ve got a couple talkers over here.

Perry: You two are busted! Give me that cell phone! Any of you other little thugs holding? Flo, Brandy, we need a pat down over here. Go ahead, girls, flip ‘em and rip ‘em!

. . .

Donald: Will you stop that!

Eddy: What do you think, I’m trying to crash into your butt?

Donald: Leo, where is everybody? I sent out a mission alert and no one is responding.

Leo: Oh, they’re stuck in detention. They’re probably getting flipped and ripped as we speak. The flipping’s not so bad, it’s the ripping that haunts ya.

( laughs )

Donald: There is an underground gas leak and the hazmat team cannot contain it. I need Adam, Bree, and Chase to shut it down.

Leo: Let me help.

( laughs )

Donald: That’s very funny, but this is serious. If that substation explodes, it’ll send a highly toxic gas cloud into the atmosphere. I gotta get Principal Perry to let them go. Talk about a highly toxic gas cloud.

. . .( video game sounds )

Bree: What is she doing with my phone?

Perry: Die, angry pigeon, die!

( buzzing )

. . .

Donald: There’s no answer. I can’t wait for them. Look, take this note to Principal Perry and tell her to let Adam, Bree, and Chase leave. Eddy and I will head to the substation and start taking gas level readings.

Leo: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You’re taking him on a mission and not me?

Eddy: Oh, it’s nothing personal. He just thinks you’re worthless.

Donald: Come on!

. . .

Bree: We have to get out of here.

Adam: Guys, don’t worry. I’ll just use my super strength to bust down the wall.

Chase: Adam, then everyone would see your bionics.

Adam: Oh, yeah.

Perry: Oh, goody. What do you want?

Leo: There’s an emergency and my stepdad asked me to give you this.

Perry: Ooh, yum! Second lunch!

Leo: What are you doing?! This is serious! It’s a matter of life and death!

Perry: You said that same thing when the vending machine ran out of cheese curls.

Leo: But this is different! Please! You gotta let them go!

Perry: No! ( chuckles ) Although, there might be a way they can earn their freedom.

. . .

Perry: ...34, 35…

All: ( chanting ) Spin, spin, spin!

Perry: ...and 40! Okay, whoever makes it out the open door is free to leave! Go!

Leo: Come on, guys! Come on, guys! Come on! Oh! Oh!

Perry: Ah! Yes!

Leo: Come on, Bree! You can do this! No. No, Bree, that way! That way! No, no, no! No, no, no! Come on, Chase!

Perry: Come on! Freedom is so close, can’t you just taste it?!

Chase: I’m almost there! I’m gonna make it!

( groans )

Perry: ( laughs ) Fail! Prepare to be entertained, amoeba brains! Time for my next challenge!

Leo: They’re gonna be here a while, aren’t they?

Perry: Ring, ring. Excuse me a second. Hello? Oh, department of stupid questions? It’s for you.

. . .

Eddy: Why don’t I get a hazmat suit?

Donald: Because you don’t need one. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Eddy: How do you know? What if this gas corrodes all my special parts?

Donald: You only have one special part: your off switch! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Eddy, give me a reading with your gas sensor!

Eddy: Coming right up!

( disco music playing )

Eddy: What? I added a disco party ball. Composed the music myself. Is it too produced? Tell me the truth.

Donald: Just take the reading!

Eddy: Somebody’s coming!

Donald: Finally Adam, Bree, and Chase are here! Leo!

Leo: They’re stuck in detention and Principal Perry won’t let them out, so I brought you something even better! Me!

Eddy: Whoo-hoo! Leo’s here! Said no one ever.

. . .

Donald: Leo, it is too dangerous in here! The gas levels are rising! You have to get out!

Leo: No way! I am not leaving you behind!

Donald: Go!

Leo: No!

Donald: Look out!

( screams )

Donald: Great, now the access tunnel's jammed! The spark must have caused the secondary line to blow. If the primary line goes, we're toast!

Eddy: Well, that's just great! There goes my 5K fun run!

Donald: Shut... it! Hot! That's hot! And my glove is melting!

. . .

Perry: Okay, time for round four... hundred! ( chuckles )

( both groan )

Perry: And the winner of the Very Scary Perry Knockout Challenge is... me! Ah, that's better than watching my cats fight for the last spot on the bed. Oh, the pretty kitties get to cuddle with mama.

( bell rings )

Perry: You three can go. Here's your junk.

Chase: Come on, guys. If we hurry, we can still make the mission.

Bree: But we have to go get our gear first.

Perry: Hold on. What gear? What mission? Is that some sort of code for vandalism? Are you three pulling a school prank?

Chase & Bree: No.

Adam: Yes.

Chase: What are you doing?!

Adam: Not talking about the mission.

Bree: He must've taken a few too many giant boxing gloves to the head. There's no prank. We're gonna mosey. Uh, thank you for a lovely detention.

Perry: Ah, hold it, lady blah-blah. You three have a secret, and there's nothing I hate more than secrets. Well, except for other people's birthdays. "You're alive, we get it." Now we're gonna play a little game I like to call "interrogation"!

Adam: Oh, I love that game! I call top hat! No, little dog! No, top hat! Ugh! I can't decide.

. . .

Donald: The gas levels are still building! Our oxygen supply is almost gone! Time is running out!

Eddy: I'm scared! Hold me, Donny!

Donald: Stop that! This stuff is useless! See, this is why I need their bionics. If Bree was here, she could use her super speed to create a vacuum to contain the gas until I figured out a way to slow down the leak.

Leo: Wait, what if we speed it up?

Donald: You do realize that's the opposite of slowing it down, right?

Leo: I mean the fan. When Adam has B.O., we use the exhaust fan in his capsule to empty the nastiness into Bree's. It's disgusting for her but hilarious for us.

Donald: So you're saying if we can start the turbine...

Leo: Then we can suck all the gas out of here and seal it in the containment tunnel.

Donald: Leo, that is brilliant!

Leo: Yeah, well, just don't go using it to wipe up your spilt coffee.

Donald: The only thing is, if that turbine sparks, it could blow the whole place up.

Leo: Yeah, but if we don't do anything, we'll definitely blow up.

Donald: Tiny logic strikes again!

Donald: Okay, fingers crossed.

( explosion )

Eddy: ( chuckles ) Just kidding!

Donald: Come on.

( whirring )

Leo: It's working! See, Big D? I told you I could help.

Eddy: Uh, guys, should it be going that fast?

( screams )

Eddy: Wait! No, no, no, no, no, no!

Leo: Can you stop it?! Can you stop it?! Can you stop it?!

Donald: I'm trying to concentrate!

Leo: Are you concentrating on trying to stop it?

. . .

Chase: Well, since Adam clearly has no clue what to say under pressure, here's how we'll handle the interrogation. Whenever you're asked a question, we'll distract her and answer it for you. Got it?

Bree: Got it, Adam?

Chase: Adam!

Adam: What?! I thought you were gonna answer it for me. Guys, get with the program.

( door opens )

Perry: Okay. Let's start the interrogation. Everybody comfortable? Temperature okay? Refresh your drinks? No? Good. What is this so-called mission?!

Bree: Can I just say that your hair looks great! Uh, who is doing it these days?

Perry: Fernando over at the wig connection. He's a genius. It's mostly raccoon. But that's not the point! Why were you talking about going on a so-called mission?!

Chase: Are you sure he actually said that? Uh, countless scientific studies have proven that people perceive reality--

Perry: Don't try to distract me, squat mug! When you're hunting big game, you have to separate the weakest from the pack.

Adam: Mm-hmm.

Perry: You two, scram!

Chase: Funny story, the word "scram"--

Perry: I SAID SCRAM!

Chase: Okay!

Bree: ( sighs ) Great. Adam's totally gonna crack under pressure.

Chase: No, no, he always comes through when it counts... or not.

( no audio )

Perry: He told me everything. Now I know all your dirty little secrets! Ha! ( chuckles )

. . .

Leo: This was not supposed to happen!

Donald: Really? 'Cause when I woke up this morning, I was so hoping I would be pureed in a banana suit.

Leo: What if we jammed something in the blades? Would that stop the turbine?

Donald: Maybe, but there's nothing big enough down here.

Leo: I can think of something.

Eddy: Wait, you don't mean... Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Uh, put it to a vote?

Leo: I vote Eddy!

Donald: Me, too!

( grunts )

Eddy: No!

Donald: Push that button and seal the containment tunnel!

( tunnel closes )

Donald: It worked!

Leo: Yes!

Donald: Way to go, Leo!

( groaning )

Eddy: Is that you, Donny?

Donald: I'm here, Eddy.

Eddy: The light is so dim. It's so cold. You look... smaller.

Donald: You're dying, Eddy. Wrap it up.

Eddy: I need you to do something for me. Tell Tasha... it should have been her.

. . .

( beeping )

Donald: Well, that should do it.

( beeping )

Eddy: It's about time! Hey, where's the rest of me?!

Donald: I'm sorry, Eddy. We couldn't save your body.

Leo: But to be honest, we didn't even try.

Chase: We're here, Mr. Davenport! What's the urgent mission?!

Donald: You missed it. Luckily, Leo here saved our butts.

Bree: No, seriously, what's the mission?

Donald: I'm not kidding. Leo really stepped it up today. He showed me that he has what it takes to be a part of this team. So I am making him our new Strategic Mission Specialist.

Chase: Congrats.

Bree: Way to go.

Adam: Mazel tov!

Leo: Awesome! Wait, does that mean more paperwork?

Donald: ( laughs ) Yes. But you will also be helping me design the overall mission strategies, and while these guys are in the field, you will be assisting me from your own... mission specialist workstation!

Leo: Really? This is mine now?

Donald: According to this fancy digital nameplate, it is.

Leo: Ah-ah-ah, fingerprints. Wow. I'm officially on the team. I have my own place in the lab and I'll finally have input. Sounds like the kind of position that should come with a serious increase in allowance.

Donald: Or I could eliminate the position entirely.

Leo: We'll talk about the money later.

. . .

Leo: So how did you guys get out of Perry's prison?

Chase: Yeah, about that...

Bree: Funny story... Perry interrogated us and Adam gave her some very damaging information.

Adam: We are always missing school because of Leo. He's always playing these crazy pranks on us. He calls them missions. And he's actually stronger than I am. Chase thinks he's got something missing up here, and Bree just tries to run away from him.

Perry: You kinda lost me at the end there, but if it means I still get to punish Dooley, I'm on board!

Bree: So now you got detention... for a month.

Leo: What?! But that's not fair!

Chase: No, it really isn't. Well, you have fun.

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