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This is a complete transcript of the episode Mission: Space.

Transcript

Adam: Oh, I love history class! Someone is always leaving me a little piece of gum stuck under my desk.

Chase: Adam, please tell me you didn't.

( bubble pops )

Chase: Mm-hmm.

Bree: He did. He totally did.

Leo: Oh. Guys, don't look now, but here comes that guy none of us like. Marcus.

Adam, Bree & Chase: M-dog!

Marcus: Hey!

Adam: What's up!

Leo: Wait. Hold the phone. Hold the phone, hold the freaky-deaky phone. "M-dog"?

Chase: Yeah. Bro's call each other by nicknames.

Leo: Well, I'm your actual bro and you don't call me by a nickname.

Adam: Actually, we do. We just choose not to do it in your presence. Mr. Tiny McLittlestein

Chase: Hey, Marcus, what are you up to this weekend?

Marcus: Ah, my dad's out of town so I'll be stuck home alone with my grandma.

Leo: Aha! You said your grandma was dead.

Marcus: The other grandma. But thanks for reminding me. I wish I could stay with you guys for the weekend.

Leo: And I wish you weren't a spastic sociopath with abandonment issues.

Chase: Leo, give it a rest.

Leo: Chase, none of us are safe until the FBI responds to my request for a background check on this "M-dog."

Chase: Look, Marcus, I'm sure you can stay with us. I'll just check with Mr. Davenport.

Marcus: You call your dad "Mr. Davenport"?

Chase: Uh, No. Pssh. No. But you do, and I wanted to make sure you knew who I was talking about.

Marcus: Okay. Cool. Thanks, guys.

( bell rings )

Chase: Bree, watch out!

Bree: What just happened?

Adam: Did you just...?

Chase: I think I just moved that ball with my mind.

Leo: I didn't know you could do that.

Chase: Neither did I.

Adam: Man, if you can do that with your mind, I wonder what I can do with mine.

Bree: We've been wondering that for years.

. . .

Leo: Chase, this is amazing. You can move things with your mind! You're like a really cool magician. You know, if there was such a thing as a really cool magician.

Chase: It doesn't make any sense. It was probably just a fluke. I mean, it's not like everything around me is gonna suddenly start flying through the air. Uh-oh.

Bree: I'm gonna go tell Mr. Davenport about this.

Chase: What? No, wait! If this is a glitch, and Mr. Davenport finds out about it, he won't let me go to school anymore. Let me tap into his cyberdesk, see if I can find out anything. Okay... Ooh. Whoa. Guys, this isn't a glitch. I can move objects by manipulating the energy around them. I've unlocked a hidden bionic ability called molecular kinesis.

Adam: Chase, I'm also gonna need you to unlock your ability to use smaller words.

Chase: According to this, we all have hidden abilities.

Bree: What?!

Adam: What are they?

Chase: I don't know, let me see. Oh, no. It's shutting us out. Mr. Davenport must have put a security lock on it. I'm sorry, guys, I guess we'll just have to discover them on our own.

Bree: Fine.

Adam: Ooh! Maybe my new ability is that I can speak Russian. Testing, testing... Is this Russian?

Bree: Keep lookin'.

. . .

Adam: Hey, Mr. Davenport. Is it okay if Marcus spends the weekend here? His dad is away and he doesn't want to spend it with his not-dead grandma.

Leo: No. Don't do it. Marcus is an evil, two-faced liar. And also... a sagittarius. They're shifty.

Bree: I'm a sagittarius.

Leo: I rest my case.

( doorbell rings )

Donald: You know, guys, this is really not a great weekend... for visitors. I got a lot of stuff...

Chase: Marcus. What a surprise. We were just talking about you.

Leo: Yeah, let me catch you up to speed. You're two-faced and no one likes you. Goodbye.

Marcus: I love this little guy. He's so full of fire! Mr. Davenport, my dad left before my grandma got there and I was all alone and this is the only place that I feel safe and... please don't make me leave!

Donald: Yeah, okay, okay. Okay, all right. You can stay.

( beeping )

Donald: Oh.

Marcus: What is that?

Donald: Uh, that? That means it's, uh-- it's happy time. How about you stay here and be happy, and we'll be happy over there. Guys, that is the mission alarm. We have to get down to the lab immediately. Leo, distract Marcus.

Leo: What?! No-- no. No.

Bree: Uh, Marcus. We'll be right back. We gotta go... pick up a pizza.

Marcus: All of you?

Adam: It's an... extra-large.

Leo: Okay. So they're busy, I hate you, and you hate me. So why don't we kill some time and brush up on the latest issue of... Ladies Life Monthly.

. . .

( alarm blaring )

Donald: There's a crisis at my space station.

Chase: You have a space station?

Donald: Yeah. I'm building the world's first intergalactic tourist destination. Key words: "First" and "Tourist." Ka-ching! Watch the Earth rise from your hotel room as you enjoy all the comforts of home, like oxygen and gravity.

Chase: Man, I have always wanted to go to space.

Donald: Yeah, well, you're about to get your wish. A meteor shower struck the station, and an asteroid breached the hull. It's gassing out. If we don't so something quick, it's gonna re-enter the Earth's atmosphere and disintegrate with all my crew members on board.

Adam: Aw! Our first rescue mission-- in space! Wait, from now on, I'm gonna need you all to refer to me by my code name "Space Cadet."

Bree: Got news for you, buddy. We've been calling you by your code name for years.

Donald: Okay, you guys don't have much training for space, but people's lives are in danger, so I will talk you through it. Chase, as usual, you are our mission leader. Now, your mission suits are not equipped for zero gravity, so there are three space suits in the shuttle. Lift-off is in ten minutes.

Chase: What about Marcus?

Donald: I don't know. I guess I'm gonna have to call his not-dead grandmother.

Bree: Chase, if you're gonna lead this mission, you have to tell Davenport about your molecular kinesis. If you don't control it, you're putting us all at risk.

Chase: Don't worry, okay? I already talked to him about it, and he deactivated it. So I'm good to be your mission leader-- as always.

Adam: (mocking) "I'm your mission leader." Why don't you just put it on a T-shirt so everyone knows when you walk into a room?

Chase: I did.

Adam: Fine. When the martians show up, you're gettin' probed first.

. . .

Leo: Okay. So, when you are on a romantic candlelight dinner, do you prefer desert to be A) A relaxing foot rub, B) A night away from the kids, or C) Chocolate mousse?

Marcus: How about D) Finding clever new ways to ruin your life?

Donald: Hey, Marcus. Excuse me, I have to borrow Leo for a second. Something went horribly wrong with the pizza. Excuse me. How's it going?

Leo: Oh, fine. I'm distracting him with my mom's lady magazines. Turns out the chicas actually prefer a man with insecurities. Who knew?

Donald: Look, this mission is very complicated. I had to send Adam, Bree and Chase into space.

Leo: They're in space?! And I'm stuck here making small talk with a narcissistic commitment-phobe who nine out of ten women wouldn't take home to meet their mother? I expect combat pay for this.

Donald: Where'd he go?

Leo: He's probably up on the second floor dangling my hamster out of the window.

Donald: Just find him and get him out of here.

Leo: Ahem!

Donald: Fine. Combat pay.

Leo: Thank you. But just so we're clear, this does not include my gas, mileage, meals--

Donald: Just go!!!

. . .

Marcus: Hey, Mr. Davenport!

Donald: Hey, Marcus. MARCUS!!!

Leo: I couldn't find Marcus any-- Oh, boy.

. . .

Marcus: What is this place? What are these?

Donald: Uh, those-- those are... Leo, tell him what those are.

Leo: Oh. Um, they are... washing machines.

Donald: Yes! These are my new high-tech industrial washing machines. Each load costs 150 quarters.

Leo: Okay, back upstairs, you little weirdo.

Marcus: But I want to watch you work.

Donald & Leo: No!

Donald: Um, actually, you know what, uh, maybe some other time. Um, but, uh, Leo, I will be back before the rinse cycle has enough space to land.

Leo: Got it. Okay. Until you're back, I will make it my mission to control the rise cycle. But I think the rinse cycle might need more... of a payload.

. . .

Adam: Greetings, space people! We come in peace from a planet called Earth.

Bree: Adam, they're from Earth too.

Adam: No, no. That's what they want you to think. But you see her over there? She's about to pull her head off and become queen of the alien squid people. Wait for it, wait for it... Wait for it...

Chase: Hello, everyone. Sorry we're late. The milky way is a bear this time of night.

Bree: All right, people, you're safe now, so single file to the back of the shuttle. Oh, and your in-flight movie is me talking about my boy problems. Whoo!

Adam: Wait for it...

. . .

Donald: Uh-uh-uh-uh. Okay. I'm only gonna have time to come to a rolling stop, so when we get to your house, aim for grass.

Marcus: M-Mr. Davenport, I'm sorry if I did anything wrong, it's just you've no idea how much I look up to you. My dream is to someday follow in your footsteps and maybe, just maybe, get a sliver of your success.

Donald: Aiming kind of high, aren't you there, kid? Tell you what. You come over some other time, and I will enlighten you with a little lesson in Davenportology.

Marcus: Cool! And maybe I could share some of my own theories with you.

Donald: Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is gonna be all about me.

. . .

Chase: There isn't much time. The hull breach is compromising the structural integrity of the station. And there's an asteroid shower heading our way!

Adam: Okay, I've got the tool we need to fix the hull.

Chase: Adam, be careful with that. It's not a toy.

Adam: Not unless you give it its own voice. (falsetto) Hey, look at me! I'm a toy!

Chase: Okay, we have to contact Mr. Davenport so he can guide us through this.

Leo: Earth here. Commander Dooley speaking.

Bree: Leo?! Where is Mr. Davenport?

Leo: He had to take Marcus home. But he should have been back by now. Oh, also, before I forget, I'm gonna need you to bring me back a lot of souvenirs. A space helmet, space rocks, space soap, a space towel, those tiny little space shampoos-- shampoos, not conditioners--

Chase: How is Adam supposed to go out into space and fix the breached hull if we don't have Mr. Davenport here to tell him how to do it!

( clatter )

Bree: Chase... did your deactivated molecular kinesis just destroy the tool we need to fix the damaged hull?

Chase: No.

Bree: You lied to us! You never even told Davenport about it, did you?

Chase: If I had told him about it, he never would have let me come into space.

Adam: Wait. So our mission leader just messed up the mission. Whoo-hoo! For once it wasn't me!

Chase: We have to talk to Mr. Davenport. He'll know what to do.

Leo: ...space chocolate, space taffy, a martian... moon cheese, space pizza...

Bree: Well, Davenport's not there, but at least we know what Leo wants from the gift shop! What are we gonna do?!

Adam: Wait. What if I use my heat vision to seal the pieces of the hull back together?

Bree: Adam! That's a great idea! Chase, hand over your T-shirt.

Chase: Unh-unh. Let's just go. Come on. Go. Okay, the visor is designed to let your heat vision through. So whatever you do, don't open it or your face will explode.

Bree: Adam, I'm connecting this tether to you.

( laughing )

Bree: It'll keep you connected to the station so you don't drift off.

Adam: That's a funny word: "Tether." Tether. Tether. Te--Te-- T- T- T- T- Tether. Tetherrrrrr. Tether. T- T- T- T- T-- Tether. Tether. Tether. Tether tether tether tether tether. Tether. Tether tether tether.

Chase: Adam, just find the panel.

Adam: Oh, I see it! I did it. I did it!

( sizzling )

Adam: Uh-oh.

Chase: Adam, what's wrong?

Bree: Oh, no. His heat vision severed the tether. He's drifting out into space!

Chase: Uh, Bree, we have another problem. Adam! Behind you!

( Adam screaming )

Chase: Just use your super-strength to punch it apart!

Adam: Ow!!!

Chase: What are you doing?

Bree: I gotta go save him. There's another tether. Help me put this on. I can float out to him and pull him in.

Chase: All right. Look, just be safe out there, okay?

( door closing )

Bree: Adam, hold on. I'm coming!

Adam: Hold on to what?

Bree: I can't reach! The tether's too short!

Adam: Did you bring a stick? It's not going to work! I'm drifting away!

Chase: Wait! Maybe I could use my molecular kinesis to bring him closer to you!

Bree: Chase, you can't control it. What if we go flying off into space?

Adam: Already doing it. I say go for it.

Bree: Come on!

Chase: It's not working. Maybe it doesn't work on people.

Bree: Try harder! It's our last hope! A little more... a little more... stretch! I got him!

Chase: Yes! Who's the molecular kinesis master!

Bree & Adam: Chase!

. . .

Donald: On my way home I discovered what that little red light on my dashboard of my hydrogen car means. It means "you're out of hydrogen and you're walking home." How's the mission going? Guys? Guys? What's the status of the space station? Are you there?

Bree: Yup, right here.

Donald: Oh. Hello.

Chase: Where have you been?

Bree: You totally abandoned us! And the entire mission!

Chase: Adam floated out into space and almost became the world's dumbest satellite. And he would have if I hadn't have stumbled upon my molecular kinesis. Oh... also I stumbled upon my molecular kinesis.

Donald: How did you find out about that?

Chase: I think the more important question is how could you not have told me sooner?

Bree: Uh, Mr. Davenport, what other abilities do I have? Because I vote for the ability to look into the future and see myself far, far away from all of... this.

Donald: Yes, it's-- it's true, you all have abilities you don't know about. But I can't tell you what they are or when they'll appear.

Adam: Why not?

Donald: Because I don't know what they all are or when they'll appear.

Chase: What do you mean you don't know?

Donald: Look, there are certain things I can't tell you right now, but it's for your own good. Strange things will continue to happen, and I promise eventually I will give you the answers you're looking for. But for now, you just have to trust me.

Chase: But, Mr. Davenport--

Donald: Please, I need you to trust me. And you have to be careful who you allow into your lives. We had a close call today. Marcus found the lab.

Chase: What?

Leo: Hmm... Who would have guessed that Marcus coming here would lead to bad things? I'll tell you. It's Mr. Tiny McLittlestein! Right here!

Donald: We're just lucky I came down when I did, or he could have discovered all of our secrets.

. . .

Marcus: Everything went exactly as planned. Davenport's lab was right where you said it would be, and the microscopic spycam is up and running. We've got them right where we want 'em.

. . .

Adam: Thank you all for coming. I have a very important announcement to make. I have discovered my hidden ability!

Bree: What? What is it?

Adam: Check it out. ( clears throat )

( belching loudly )

Adam: Super-burps!

Bree: Okay, is this really happening?

Donald: All right, super-burps it is.

Leo: And how do you plan on using this amazing new ability?

Adam: Watch and I'll show you.

Chase: Hey, guys, what's up?

( belches )

Leo: That is not bad.

Donald: Actually, yeah, you might have something there.

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