This is a complete transcript of the episode My Little Brother.
Transcript[]
(in the lab)
Adam: (smelling his shoe) Ugh! Smells like something died in here. Whoa! Something did die in here! Chase, look at this!
Chase: No.
Adam: Well, at least tell me if this is fur or mold.
Chase: No!
(Adam tries to put his shoe on, but rips a hole in it with his foot)
Chase: Adam, what did you do to your shoe?
Adam: I guess I don't know my own strength. The same thing happened yesterday with my underwear. Ooh, that reminds me, I got your a new headband for gym class.
(Adam tries to put the elastic waistband around Chase's head, but Chase rips it off in disgust)
Chase: Man, Mr. Davenport warned us about this. As we get older, our chips have to be re-calibrated to adjust for our growth.
Adam: (laughs) Oh, well, then yours will never have to be adjusted. 'Cause your body doesn't grow, get it? I'm saying you're small.
Chase: I get it! When Mr. Davenport gets back, he can re-calibrate your super strength. Toss me my backpack.
(Adam throws Chase's backpack, and it slams into the lab doors, slightly bending them)
Chase: Or we could do it now. Quick, get in your capsule.
Adam: Ah, but I like being ridiculously strong. I'm like King Kong without the little lady in his hand. Go ahead, Chase, jump in.
Chase: Go!
Adam: Fine.
(Adam gets in his capsule and Chase walks over to the console)
Chase: All right, let's see, Adam's size parameters. Six-one, hundred and seventy-five pounds.
Adam: Make it a hundred and eighty. Had a big breakfast.
Chase: Since your strength has intensified, I'm gonna dial it back from an 8 to a 6.
Adam: Hold on, you can adjust my strength? Well, don't dial me down, make me a 10!
Chase: No way. That would be like giving a stick of dynamite to a...well, you.
(Chase presses a button and a light flashes a couple of times in Adam's capsule)
Chase: There. Done. Now hurry. We're gonna be late for school. (leaves the room)
Adam: Uh, yeah, I'll be right there! I just have to...not do something for a minute.
(Adam presses buttons on the console and gets back in his capsule, and the light flashes again. Adam steps out of his capsule, shattering the door in the process)
Adam: I can't wait to see if it worked!
(theme song plays)
...
(in the cafeteria)
Chase: Man, I always get stuck with the wobbly chair.
Adam: Here, let me fix it. Hold my tray.
(Adam accidentally rips the back of the chair off with his super strength)
Chase: Adam! (to onlookers) Budget cuts, am I right? The evidence is all around us, people. (to Adam) You maxed out your super strength, didn't you?
Adam: Of course I did, look who you're talking to.
Chase: This is so dangerous. You can't control your strength, and it could cause a ton of glitches. We have to change you back, now!
Adam: Calm down, you're overreacting.
(Adam sets his tray on the table, and the whole table collapses)
Adam: Okay, you can dial me down to a 9.
...
(in the main hallway)
Perry: Morning, oxygen hogs! Time for another surprise locker inspection! Why, you ask? The superintendent says that if I'm gonna accuse you little criminals of doing stuff, I need "evidence." Lindsey, you're up.
(Perry starts going through Lindsey's locker)
Perry: Stuffed animal? What is this, your prom date? (throws stuffed animal across room) Makeup? You've already lost that battle, sweetheart. (throws makeup bag across room)
Bree: You know what? I am so tired of Principal Perry and her power trips. How does she keep getting away with this stuff?
Leo: Just accept it. It's a lot easier once you let go of the hope.
Perry: Ooh, pretzel logs! Jackpot! (points pretzel log at Bree) You're next, glow stick.
(Perry walks over and Bree stands in front of her locker)
Bree: I don't think so.
(Bree attempts to block Perry from getting into her locker, but fails)
Perry: (laughs) Stiff arm. Legal play.
Bree: Okay, Principal Perry, this is not fair. You walk around here like a dictator and treat the student body like prisoners.
Perry: Aww, you noticed. It's so good to be appreciated.
Bree: No. This is no way to run a school. And I think that I speak for everyone when I say we're not gonna take it anymore!
(the students grumble and turn away)
Leo: And by "we" she means her. You and me, rock solid.
Perry: (to Bree) Are you challenging my authority?
Leo: She's sweating through her pantsuit. Retreat, retreat!
Perry: Listen, Lipstick, I didn't command a ship in the merchant marines to take guff from you.
Bree: You know, I just think the school might be a bit more enjoyable if we were treated like adults and had more freedom.
Perry: Right, and then we could all ride unicorns to school and eat food that passes a health inspection.
Bree: But it doesn't have to be like this.
Perry: Oh, yes, it does. I learned one thing from my mother: to rule with an iron fist. Oh, and that salad takes up space where meat should be.
Leo: She sounds like a lovely woman.
Perry: She isn't! You kids think my job is so easy, don't ya?
Bree: (laughing) Well, I mean, how hard can it be? You do it.
(the students gasp)
Perry: You think you can do better? All right! Have at it. School's yours. You go ahead and be principal for a day.
Bree: What?
Perry: Yeah. Go ahead and be the nice principal. These maggots will eat you alive in two hours.
Bree: Hmm.
Perry: You coulda used your last breath to scream for help, but you shoulda used it to say "I'm sorry."
Bree: All right. You're on. But if I'm gonna be principal for the day, I'll need the keys to your office.
Perry: All right. But remember, no matter how loud the banging gets in the file cabinet, don't open it.
...
(in the lab)
Chase: I can't believe you maxed out your strength after I specifically told you not to.
Adam: In my defense, you telling me what to do is like a monkey telling a hedgehog what to do-- It's ridiculous. But it would make an awesome buddy cop movie.
Chase: Can we just please get this over with? I gotta get back to school. It's karaoke day in my Latin class and I'm singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. (singing in Latin) ♫ Scintillat scintallat paulo stella...♫ (laughs)
Adam: You do know you're never gonna have a girlfriend, right?
Chase: Yeah? And yours is gonna have to cut your food, so we're even. Get in your capsule.
(Adam gets in his capsule and Chase presses buttons on the console)
Chase: All right, reducing super strength in 3, 2, 1...
(a bright light flashes a couple of times in Adam's capsule)
Chase: All right, we should probably test it out to make sure that you're back to normal. Come here.
(Adam and Chase walk over to metal container)
Chase: This is made out of ultra-strength titanium. Think you can break it?
Adam: Sure, stand still while I smash it over your head.
Chase: No, with your hand.
Adam: Not as fun, but okay.
(Adam hits the container twice, and it doesn't break)
Adam: Ugh! I'm back to normal. Now I'm only a hundred times stronger than you. (sighs) I guess I'm gonna have to hit you more often to make up for it.
Chase: You really don't have to.
Adam: Oh, that's sweet, but I really do.
Chase: No, you don't (starts to walk away)
Adam: Yes, I do.
Chase: No, you don't.
Adam: Come here. (starts advancing on Chase)
Chase: Stop. Get away. Don't touch me. Don't-- Get away, get away. No, no!
(Adam tackles him to the floor and Chase yells)
...
(in the main hallway)
(Bree and Leo walk out of Perry's office to find all of the students hanging out and having fun)
Leo: Whoa! It's only been a few hours, but look how much happier everyone is under Principal Bree.
Bree: Well, that is just how I roll, Vice Principal Leo. (high fives a girl) I mean, isn't it amazing how much happier and more productive students are when they're given a little bit of freedom?
Leo: Let Breedom ring! Oh, uh, by the way, I have some paperwork for you to sign.
Bree: Sure. What is it?
Leo: (hands her clipboard) You know, just an approval form, forcing all girls to be my friend.
(Bree signs the form and Perry walks in, looking disgruntled)
Perry: What is going on here? Stop talking on the phone! Spit out that gum!
(a girl spits her gum into Perry's hand)
Bree: Uh-uh, don't you listen to her! Put that gum back in your mouth.
(the girl takes her gum back from Perry's hand and walks away)
Perry: Hey--!
Bree: This is my school now. See how smoothly things are running and how happy everyone is?
Perry: (grunting) I know, it's disgusting! All these smiling faces. I haven't seen this many teeth since I kept dental records at the morgue.
Bree: Sorry, Principal Perry, but I guess it is easy doing your job.
Leo: Yeah!
Perry: Watch it, Dooley!
Leo: Ah-ah-ah-ah! Correction: Vice Principal Dooley. And if I'm not mistaken, you're not allowed to be here unless you're a student or faculty. So, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave...Terry.
Perry: (grunting) This isn't over!
(Perry storms away and her phone rings)
Perry: (answers her phone) What, Mom? I'm at work! Sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice. Yes, I've been a bad girl.
...
(in the main hallway)
Adam: Hey, Chase, when you zapped me, I think you took a little bit of weight off.
Chase: Adam, that's impossible. It doesn't work like that. (walks over to the water fountain) The re-calibration adjusts the ratio of your muscle mass to your body frame and, who am I kidding? You stopped listening five seconds ago, right? Adam? Adam?
Adam: (high-pitched voice) I'm down here!
(Chase looks down and sees a pile of clothes on the floor and a tiny version of Adam standing in a shoe)
Adam: Told you I was losing weight.
(scene changes to Chase lying on the floor talking to Adam in a shoe)
Adam: Chase, what's going on?
Chase: I-- I, I guess I was in such a rush to re-calibrate your chip, I accidentally forgot to enter the size parameters, which caused a glitch and--
Adam: I'm two inches and naked! Do something!
(scene changes and Adam is in Chase's locker, wearing a purple ninja outfit)
Adam: Really, Chase? A purple ninja outfit? You know purple's not my color!
Chase: It was from the lost and found. There were only two action figures, this and power girl. And you do not have the legs to work that skirt.
Adam: Ha. Just hurry up and fix this! I can't stand being smaller than you.
Chase: You know, I've been smaller than you for my entire life. Now you know what it's like. Do you remember all the names you called me?
Adam: Not all of 'em, but I remember there was Tinypants McGoo, Microman, Tiny Boy, Ant Boy, Eency Meency Little Woman...(laughs)
(Chase takes a smaller container from his locker and places it over Adam)
Adam: Hey! Whoa, hey! Why is it dark? What's going on? Let me out!
(Chase smiles and removes the container)
Adam: Hey, what'd you do that for?
Chase: I wanted you to see what it's like to be picked on by someone larger than you. But, since I'm a nice guy, now I'll take you home to fix you.
Adam: Thank you, Chase. That's really big of you. And I don't get to say that very often. (chuckles)
Chase: You just can't stop yourself, can you?
Adam: I'll try. Um, you're huge...ly small. Nope, can't do it.
Chase: You know what? Forget home. We're gonna have a little fun.
Adam: No, no, no, no. No! No!
(Chase picks Adam up)
Chase: You know that new tarantula in the science lab?
Adam: Oh, yeah, Harvey! He's great.
Chase: Well, let's see how great he is when he gets a surprise visit from a tiny, purple ninja.
Adam: No! (starts yelling)
(Chase puts Adam in his pocket and walks away happily)
...
(in the main hallway)
Bree: Hey, where is everyone? Why is no one in class?
(Bree and Leo hear distant music and walk into the cafeteria, where students are laughing and hanging out)
Bree: (turns off the music) Principal Perry?
Perry: Who wants to know? The name's Terry. On the street they call me TP. 'Cause I clean up.
Bree: Um, what are you doing?
Leo: Never mind that, what are you wearing?
Perry: Well, the more I thought about it, it seemed only fair that if you get to be principal for a day, then I get to be a student for a day. Since you're such a big fan of freedom, I thought I'd show you what it really looks like. Bertha, Ruthie, saddle up!
(two lunch ladies sit on wheely chairs with bread loafs and two students push them while onlookers cheer. One lunch lady breaks the other one's loaf and crashes into the wall)
Perry: Oh! She just got loafed! (laughs) If she gets hurt while you're principal, you're responsible. You know what they do to principals in prison?
Bree: Well, you can't threaten me. Vice Principal Leo?
Leo: My pleasure. (to Perry) You just got detention, squat mug!
Perry: Do you really wanna go there, knowing that I'm back to running this place tomorrow?
Leo: And I quit. (hands clipboard to Bree) You're on your own, Bree. (runs away)
Bree: What?
Perry: So, you ready to give up?
Bree: (scoffs) Not a chance. Because freedom is always-- (mashed potatoes are launched at her face from offscreen)
Perry: Oh! (laughs) Sorry, I couldn't hear you with all that freedom on your face. Somebody get this girl some gravy!
...
(in the main hallway)
Chase: All right, Adam, time for a water fountain jerk bath. (reaches in pocket) Adam? Adam? Oh, no! Adam? Adam?
(Chase starts fumbling around and shaking his legs trying to find Adam, while two girls pass by and stare at him)
Chase: (laughs awkwardly) New internet dance craze. Look it up!
(Leo walks in)
Chase: Leo!
Leo: 'Sup?
Chase: I need your help. I accidentally shrunk Adam and he is gone!
Leo: I got your back. You were with me. We were kayaking. No questions asked.
Chase: No! I He was in my pocket but he fell out. I lost him!
Leo: They'll never buy it. Stick to the kayak.
Chase: I don't know where he is. He could be anywhere!
(Adam is standing on the circular bench, waving frantically to Chase and Leo)
Adam: Chase! Leo! I'm over here! Over here!
(a girl goes to sit down on the bench)
Adam: Aah! Incoming butt! (rolls out of the way) Ha! No one can defeat the butt-ninja!
(a boy goes to sit down)
Adam: Hey, I have those jeans. No, don't sit down, don't sit down!
(Adam falls off the bench and into the girl's bag)
Leo: Chase, I think I just saw a little, purple ninja dive into that book bag. And there's something I'll never say again.
Chase: Go, go!
(Chase and Leo run over to the girl but she gets up and walks away right as they reach her. She walks into the cafeteria and Chase grabs her bag from her and starts searching it)
Leo: Sorry, ma'am. Random bag search. There's been a rash of crouton theft as the salad bar. We're not saying it's you, but we're all thinkin' it.
Chase: A-ha! I got him!
Leo: You got him?
(Chase grabs Adam but accidentally bumps into Perry)
Perry: Dude! You almost spilled my third lunch.
Chase: Right. Sorry.
(Chase and Leo walk away and Chase opens his hands to find that Adam isn't there anymore. Leo points and Adam is sitting on Perry's burger)
Chase: Oh!
Adam: Oh, wow, gigantic food. It's so beautiful. Ooh, pickles.
(Perry puts the bun on her burger, trapping Adam)
Chase: Adam, get out of there!
(Perry starts to take a bite while Adam screams, and Chase runs over and tries to wrestle the burger out of her hands)
Perry: Braver men than you have tried to take my food before. They ain't men now.
(Chase grabs the burger)
Chase: I won't let you eat my brother!
Perry: (scoffs) You vegetarians make me sick. It's a turkey, not your brother! Now give me back that bird, hippie!
(Perry tries to get the burger back)
Chase: No! No!
Perry: Yes, yes!
Chase: Ge-- Let go of the bun!
(Bree walks in)
Bree: Drop the burger, Terry!
Perry: How about I drop you, girlie?
Bree: Hmm, I had a feeling you might say that. Which is why I brought in the big guns.
(Perry's mom storms in)
Mother Perry: Theresa!
Perry: (swallows hard) Mother? What are you doing here?
Mother Perry: This lovely young lady called me and said you were causing trouble. What did I tell you about wrestling for food?
Perry: That if you're gonna do it, you better win?
Mother Perry: Don't you sass your momma!
Perry: Sorry, mother.
(Perry's mother grabs the burger from Perry and sets it on the table. Chase tries to grab it, but she smacks him away)
Mother Perry: Hands off, troll! I apologize for her causing so much trouble.
Perry: She's not really the principal!
Mother Perry: And you're not really a child, so stop acting like one! Theresa, what do you say to Principal Bree?
Perry: (pro-longed groaning) Sorry.
Mother Perry: Big girl voice!
Perry: Sorry!
Mother Perry: (to Bree) I'm going to take her home and give her a good talking to.
Bree: Mm, I think that's a great idea.
(Perry's mom grabs Perry by the ear and the burger)
Perry: No, momma, no, no, no, momma! No, no, (Perry's mom throws burger in the trash) hey, hey, hey!
Chase & Leo: Aaah!
(Chase and Leo run over to the trash can and a lunch lady pours leftover food into it just as they get there)
Chase: Thanks a lot, Ruthie.
(Chase and Leo pick up the trash can)
Chase & Leo: I lost my retainer.
(they both awkwardly laugh and carry the trash can out of the room)
...
(in the lab)
(Chase and Leo are digging through the trash, trying to find Adam)
Leo: Got him! Oh, wait, no, that's a celery stick.
(they dig some more)
Leo: Ah, got him! Wait, no, that's a chicken bone.
Chase: Ooh, I found him!
(Chase runs over and places Adam inside the capsule)
Chase: He was curled up inside a burrito.
(Chase and Leo wipe their hands off)
Chase: (at the console) Uh, Adam size parameters, six-one, hundred and seventy-five-pounds. Strength level, six. Clothing-- Yes, please.
(a light flashes in Adam's capsule and Adam returns to his normal size)
Adam: Whoa! Chase, I just had the most awesome dream! I was a tiny ninja in a land of butt giants.
Chase: No, Adam, that wasn't a dream. I made mistake and shrunk you.
Leo: That's right! And I had nothing to do with it. For once, Leo's part of the solution to a problem he didn't create! Yes! (leaves the room)
Adam: Wow, I think I finally understand what it feels like to be smaller brother.
Chase: (sighs) Finally! So does this mean that you're not gonna make short jokes at my expense anymore?
Adam: I'm sorry, can you speak up? I can't hear you down there.
Chase: You just cannot help yourself, can you?
Adam: Oh, I'm just kidding. Look, I don't think you're that small. And for turning me back to normal, I got you a gift. Okay, close your eyes. (holds up tiny ninja costume) Open 'em. It's a tiny ninja costume! Oh, don't worry about the size. You'll grow into it.
...
(in the main school hallway)
Bree: Ugh, I am so happy to just be a student again.
Leo: And I'm so happy you've forgiven me for quitting as vice principal.
Bree: I didn't.
Leo: So we're good?
(Perry walks out of her office)
Perry: Well, if it isn't the formal administration.
Bree: Well, if it isn't the failed administration.
Perry: That was my dis! You only changed one word! Now that I'm back in charge, I'm gonna make your lives miserable.
Leo: I think you mean her life, because I resigned my position. You and me, rock solid.
Perry: Not a chance. You two are gonna spend the rest of the day cleaning up the cafeteria.
(a janitor hands Bree and Leo mops)
Bree: Oh, (laughs) I don't think so. I may not be principal anymore, but, uh, I do still have one thing: your mother's phone number.
(Bree calls Perry's mom on video call)
Mother Perry: Theresa!
Perry: Oh, no! No, mommy, no! (Bree chases Perry out with the phone) I've been a good girl! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Mother Perry: Theresa! Theresa!