This is a complete transcript of the episode Parallel Universe.
Donald: Inventing the wheel? Boring. Discovering electricity? Snooze. Sliced bread? Lame. But now, Davenport Industries introduces the world's first... Proton Fuser!
Leo: You know, for a scientist you'd think your payoffs would be a bit more proportionate to your buildups.
Donald: Uh, the payoff is that it allows us to see the origins of the universe. This thing fuses sub-atomic particles, so we can understand how planets form.
Bree: Well, we already understand how boredom forms.
Donald: Haven't you ever wondered where stuff comes from? Galaxies? Stars? Planets?
Adam: This stuff, no. Onion rings, yes.
Donald: Guys, I have always wanted to build this thing, and now it's a reality. It's an important life lesson: If you have a dream, believe in it, 'cause it can happen.
Chase: Um, Mr. Davenport, isn't it dangerous to tinker with the fabric of the universe?
Adam: ( laughing ) He said "tinker."
Donald: Yes, technically it could destabilize the earth, or open a wormhole into a parallel universe. But, I made it and I wanna play with it, so... Prepare to be amazed!
Chase: Or gravely injured.
Leo: Once again, big buildup, teeny, tiny payoff.
Tasha: Okay, the popcorn is popping and the movie is uploaded. Or downloaded. Whatever, the red thingy is blinking green. Just head upstairs, it's movie time!
Leo: I do love a matinee.
Tasha: Oh, hold it, mister. No movie for you until you finish your chores. Your room is a mess, and you haven't washed the dishes in days.
Leo: But, I've been looking forward to this movie all week.
Tasha: And I've been looking forward to clean dishes all week.
Leo: Really? Well, that's just sad.
. . .
( all laughing )
( dog barking in movie )
Tasha: I said no movie. First you won't do the dishes, then you break them?
Leo: Hey, you said you hate looking at dirty dishes and that's one less to look at.
Tasha: That is it. No TV for the rest of the week.
Leo: That's not fair. By the way, I've seen this movie. I wouldn't get too attached to that dog.
. . .
Leo: Stupid chores. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. This isn't gonna end well. Help! Help! Help! Help! Please help!
. . .
Leo: I do not know what just happened, but I need a bathroom!
. . .
Parallel Tasha: Oh, you don't like my software design? Well, that doesn't really matter, because you are fired!
Leo: Oh! ( gasps ) Mom, I'm so sorry, I didn't even know that was there.
Parallel Tasha: Break whatever you want, Leo, I can afford a thousand of those.
Leo: You can?
Parallel Tasha: Of course. One of the many perks of being a billionaire. Well, that and being able to tease millionaires.
Leo: Wait, where is everybody? I thought we were watching a movie? And when did we move into an Italian furniture showroom?
Parallel Tasha: I don't have time for this, Leo. Tasha Technologies isn't going to run itself.
Leo: Tasha Technologies?
Parallel Tasha: Honey, toss me my keys.
Leo: Mom, did you see what I just did?
Parallel Tasha: Yeah. That was a good one. You took out the Goldberg's mailbox. Now, remember, honey, no using your bionics at school.
Leo: What bionics?
Parallel Donald: Leo, I heard a crash. Are you okay?
Leo: I just shot lightning out of my fingers. I don't know what's going on but I'm terrified to pick my nose.
Parallel Donald: That's one of your new bionic upgrades. You harness static electricity to form lightning bolts. I voted for Sneezing Thunder, but your mom shot me down.
Leo: So, I really am bionic? What else do I have? Super speed? Super strength? Super smarts?
Parallel Donald: Leo, you know you have these abilities.
Leo: Can I fly?
( yelling )
Parallel Donald: Nope. But your brilliant scientist inventor mom is working on it.
Leo: What are you talking about? You're the brilliant scientist.
( laughing )
Parallel Donald: No. No, I'm still just your mom's lab assistant. Which reminds me, I should go, I'm not allowed upstairs when she's not home. So...
Leo: Wait, wait. You're not an inventor?
Parallel Donald: Well, not officially. I mean, most of the stuff I invent either doesn't work or bursts into flames. See these eyebrows. Borrowed them from my back. But I did just finish a prototype on a proton fuser, so...
Leo: Proton fuser. That's it! I must have traveled through a wormhole into this parallel universe!
Parallel Donald: Leo, you read too many comic books. Now, uh, off to school, and, uh, let's just keep this between you and I, okay?
Leo: Okay. I promise, I will not let anyone know I have bionics.
Parallel Donald: No, no, no. I mean, don't tell your mom I was upstairs, or she'll take away my bathroom breaks.
. . .
Parallel Perry: Good morning, Leo!
Leo: Leo? You never call me by my first name. And according to legend, you haven't smiled since the sixties.
Parallel Perry: I always smile when I see you! School board approved air hug? Oh, that is good. Oh, no air hug back?Does my little schnookie need a cookie?
Leo: I suppose your little schnookie could take a lookie at a cookie. Wow!
Parallel Perry: They're from our gourmet cafeteria.
Leo: Gourmet? This is coming from the woman who thinks mold is a vegetable? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Those are the lunch ladies?
Parallel Perry: Yeah, we tried to find prettier ones, but, they'll do.
Leo: Guys, there you are! This is unbelievable!
Parallel Chase: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, everyone check it out. We got an exchange student from Nerdistan. Ha!
Parallel Bree: Yeah, like, step off. We don't know you. And FYI, I wouldn't put my poodle in that outfit.
Leo: Come on, guys. It's me, Leo. And you're Adam, Bree and Chase Davenport.
Parallel Adam: Uh, we're Adam, Bree and Chase Henderson. Are you lost, little guy?
( bell ringing )
Leo: I don't understand.
Parallel Adam: ( sighs ) There's so much to not understand in life, isn't there? Like, what would happen if we all just stopped for a second and just existed. (speaking French) Plus ca change, et les plus c'est la meme chose.
Leo: Plus-ah-what? Okay, what is going on? Bree, help me out here.
Parallel Bree: Okay, it's pronounced "Breh." Like "Breath" but without the "Th."
Leo: What is wrong with you guys? We're all best friends. And the best part is, I'm bionic now! See, I didn't even get to show you my lightning fingers!
( all screaming )
Leo: And those are my lightning fingers.
. . .
Parallel Donald: Leo.
Leo: Hey, what are you doing here?
Parallel Donald: I always pick you up from school. A, your mother insists on it, and... B, it's the few minutes a day I can enjoy natural sunlight.
Leo: This world is so much different from my world.
Parallel Donald: Well, my world is limited to the lab. That, and of course the thrill I get for fifteen minutes a day coming to pick you up. Stoplights are awesome!
Parallel Adam: Hey, Leo.
Parallel Donald: Hey, look who made some friends.
Leo: That's Adam, Bree and Chase. You don't recognize them?
Parallel Donald: Uh, no.
Parallel Chase: Oh, hey, look, it's the dude who gets all excited at stoplights.
Parallel Donald: Um, you guys, uh, take your time. I'm gonna be in the car, playing with the windows.
Parallel Bree: Leo, we have a confession. We believe what you said earlier.
Parallel Adam: Yeah, and we want you to know that your bionic secret is safe within us?
Leo: Finally. It's good to have you guys back!
Parallel Adam: Now, now, now. There he is.
Parallel Chase: That's the bionic freak!
Parallel Bree: Get him!
Parallel Gordon: Freeze, Dooley. You're coming with me.
Leo: Note to self, not a fan of the Hendersons.
. . .
Parallel Gordon: Apprehended the suspect.
Leo: How could you guys turn me in?
Parallel Chase: Well, it was easy. We just called that guy.
Parallel Perry: Hey! Nobody messes with my rollerblading buddy!
Parallel Donald: Leo, it's hot in the car and I'm not allowed to use the air conditioning. So, are you coming or not?
Parallel Perry: I used to be a Christmas elf at the Mission Creek Mall. No one cut in Santa's line on my watch. Run!
. . .
Parallel Donald: This just does not make sense. The Leo I know would never show his bionics at school.
Leo: I am not that Leo! I came here from a parallel universe through a wormhole made by your proton fuser!
Parallel Donald: Wait, you were serious about that?
Parallel Donald: Wow. It all makes sense, now. Well, don't worry, Leo. As long as you're in my universe, I'll protect you.
( sighs )
Leo: No wonder my mom keeps you in the basement.
. . .
Parallel Gordon: Mr. Dooley, I'm Special Agent Gordon, Department of Homeland Special Ops Unit, also known as, D-H-SOU. It doesn't acronym well. We don't know how you do what you do, but we're going to find out. Even if it takes ten years in an isolated desert warehouse. Hope you sweat a lot. That's the only water you'll get.
Leo: Well, what if I just break out of these?
Parallel Gordon: We heard you were freakishly strong, so those are exploding handcuffs. Links breaks, handcuffs detonate.
Parallel Donald: Yeah, could you, uh, explode that way.
Parallel Tasha: Get your hands off of me! I am Tasha Dooley of Tasha Technologies!
Parallel Donald: Please don't yell at me, I know I'm in the living room, but, technically, they chained me here.
Parallel Tasha: Leo, honey, are you okay? They haven't hurt you, have they, sweetie?
Leo: I'm sorry, mom. I didn't mean to use my... B-I-O-N-I-C-S at school.
Parallel Gordon: We can spell, kid. Well, everyone except for Agent Dorris, here. He likes to sound things out.
Parallel Tasha: He's not bionic, he's just gifted! Right, Leo? You were always discovering something new about yourself. Watch the suit or I am telling your boss!
Parallel Gordon: I am his boss.
Parallel Tasha: Then, he's touching my suit!
Parallel Donald: Something new about yourself. Leo, I think she was trying to tell you to escape using one of your new abilities.
Leo: Hello? Boom-boom bracelets.
Parallel Donald: No, I mean one of your newly uploaded abilities. You know, like Geo-leaping: Molecularly transferring yourself from one location to another just by thinking about it.
Leo: I can Geo-leap?
Parallel Donald: We-- Yeah. I mean, it hasn't been tested yet, so make sure you...
. . .
Parallel Donald: Warn me first.
Parallel Perry: Pumpkin? What are you doing here? This place is still crawling with government goons. Duck and cover! I'll draw them away, you scram. But if you get caught and end up in the clink, text me. I may not have pull with the governor, but I can drive a hatchback through a cement wall. Hey, the bionic kid is out front stacking school busses! Get him!
Leo: This world is not as cool as I thought. I'd give up the bionics, everything, just to get back to my family.
Parallel Donald: I wish I could help you.
Leo: Maybe you can. With your proton fuser!
Parallel Donald: Leo, I told you, it will never work. I built it.
Leo: Listen, you always told me, "If you have a dream, believe in it." And it's time for you to believe, Big D.
Parallel Donald: What's a Big D? Even if it did work, how would we get in the lab with all those agents swarming the house?
Leo: You see, this is where flying would come in handy.
Parallel Chase: Where are you, little guy? Keep looking, he could be anywhere.
Parallel Adam: And while we're at it, why don't we look within ourselves for answers to questions that we're afraid to ask?
Parallel Bree: This is so ridic. He's not here. Oh, maybe he's at the mall.
Parallel Adam & Chase: We're not going to the mall!
Leo: We're gonna have to Geo-leap!
Parallel Donald: Okay, fine, just-- you have to give me some...
. . .
Parallel Donald: Warning!
Leo: I thought "Lab." This ain't the lab.
( groans )
Parallel Donald: I think my kidneys just switched sides. Your Geo-leaping is glitching. I told you it wasn't tested. Now we're sitting ducks!
Leo: Time for Plan B. I'll super-speed us home.
Parallel Donald: I get motion sickness. Is there a Plan C?
Parallel Adam: There he is!
Parallel Chase: Yo! The bionic kid's in here!
Leo: Thanks a lot, Chase! You're super annoying in two universes.
Parallel Adam & Chase: Whoa!
Parallel Bree: Now can we go to the mall?
. . .
Parallel Donald: Aah.
Parallel Gordon: Okay, men, apprehend the bionic subject. Use any force necessary.
Parallel Donald: What do we do?
Leo: You heard the man. Use any force necessary. Oh, yeah.
Parallel Donald: Quick, get downstairs!
. . .
Leo: We don't have much time, fire up the proton fuser.
Parallel Donald: Ta-da! Okay. Now, I would feel a lot better about this if you would sign some release forms.
Leo: Push! Buttons!
( sighs )
Parallel Donald: See? Told you. It doesn't work.
Leo: Well, make it work!
Parallel Donald: Can't some dreams just die?
Leo: It took a while for the wormhole to reach full size.
Parallel Donald: That sounds like a volume threshold problem. I can tweak that!
Leo: Well, what are you waiting for? Tweak!
Parallel Donald: Oh!
Leo: That's it. You're doing it.
Parallel Donald: Wow. Something I made actually works!
( banging on door )
Leo: Wait, if I leave, what'll happen to you?
Parallel Donald: Both universes will reset to the instant you left. None of this will have ever happened! Except, I'm gonna start believing in myself.
Leo: Good. Bring it in.
Parallel Donald: Thanks, Leo. I'd tell you I'll never forget you, technically, that-- yeah. You just-- all right. Go, Leo. It's now or never. Aah!
. . .
. . .
Adam: I was so attached to that dog.
Donald: Relax, Leo. That's Gordon. He's my new head of corporate security.
Gordon: Well, hey there, little buddy! Nice to meet you! ( mockingly ) Aah!
Leo: So happy to see you guys!
Tasha: Oh! Nice to see you in a better mood. Now, put that energy into your chores.
Leo: Absolutely! I will never complain about my chores ever again. It's so good to be home!
Bree: Good to be home? Where did you go?
Leo: A parallel universe! Mom was a tech mogul, Chase was an annoying jock, Bree was a shallow mall rat, and Adam was all introspective and philosophical.
Adam: You don't have to make up words, Leo, just tell us what happened.
Leo: It was real, you gotta believe me!
Donald: You know what? I believe you, Leo.
Leo: You do?
Donald: Yeah. Anywhere your mom is a tech mogul is definitely an alternate universe. I mean, you're very smart. It's just not what tech-- I'll be doing the dishes.
. . .
Adam: Oh, so what does this toy do?
Bree: Let's hope it cures boredom.
Donald: It's not a toy. This is my new cell replicator. With it, we can map any organism's DNA and replicate any creature living or dead.
Chase: Again. Isn't that dangerous?
Donald: Yes, technically, I mean, it could, uh, reintroduce a dormant disease that we have no ability to combat, but, I mean, the chances of--
Leo: No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! Bad! No! Not! Again!
Bree: Well, that cured my boredom.