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This is a complete transcript of the episode Spy Fly.

Transcript

( fly buzzing )

Bree: What is that?

Chase: Bree, relax. It's just a fly.

Bree: Well, why is it bothering me when the foul, ripe stench of Adam is right there?

Adam: Lucky undies. Nine days in a row, and no lighting strikes-- that's science.

( fly buzzing )

( laughing -- remote chirps )

Leo: You look ridiculous.

Bree: Well, yeah, so would you if you had some flying thing attacking you.

( remote chirps, buzzing stops )

Leo: Would I?

( buzzes )

Bree: How'd you do that?

Leo: I talk to insects. They call me the fly whisperer.

Adam: You can talk to flies? Ask him why bees are such jerks.

Chase: Guys, Leo's messing with you. That's Mr. Davenport's spy fly, he designed it for recon missions. You see, the fly's head is a tiny camera. Leo's controlling the entire thing with a trackball on this watch.

Leo: Is there anything you don't ruin?

Chase: Nope. Leo, I don't think Mr. Davenport would approve of you using his expensive gadgets as toys.

Leo: Well, then, he shouldn't have gone to Rock 'N Roll Fantasy Camp. Hello! You're almost forty! You can't rock, and you're no one's fantasy.

Bree: Can I see it?

Leo: Back off, handsy. It needs to charge in its fly hive. I used it all night.

Bree: Wait. You spent all night playing with that stupid thing?

Leo: Well, half the night. I spent the other half editing the footage.

Bree: What footage?

Leo: Well, now that you've asked... I give you the best... of Bree.

( snoring )

( both laughing )

Bree: I can't believe you, Leo!

Leo: Hey, it's not my fault you sleep ugly.

. . .

( fly buzzing, Leo laughing )

Bree: Would you cut it out?! I cannot believe you brought Davenport's fly to school. Now I have two little pests following me around.

Leo: How could I not? He's my... wing man.

Chase: Hey, guys.

Leo: Chase, have you been stealing from five-year-old girls again?

Chase: Ha ha. It's for health class. Each of us has to baby-sit a robo-baby for a night.

( doll crying )

Chase: Are you hungry? Yes, you are, my snoogie-woogie-boogie!

Bree: Just when we thought he couldn't get any creepier.

Chase: It cries when it's tired or hungry. I have to take care of him, because if I don't, I lose a point. Which, of course, I haven't. And I won't, because I have downloaded every childcare book available. I even know how to rescue a baby out of an alligator's mouth. Happens more often than you think.

Bree: So, where's your baby? Lost it already?

Adam: Ha ha. No. Do you really think I'm that irresponsible? It's in here. I named him "shut your cryhole." That way, whenever I say his name, he'll know to stop crying.

Leo: You keep your baby in a bag?

Adam: Yeah! It's super-toasty, books to read if he's bored, and it's totally safe. Oh! You found my gum! And a penny!

Chase: Dude, you are totally gonna fail this assignment.

Adam: No, I'm not, because unlike you, I know what a baby likes. I think like a baby.

Bree: Yeah, he's got you there.

Chase: Oh, yeah? Well, if you're such an expert on babies, why don't we just let the scores speak for themselves?

Adam: You're on. I've got a 98. I'm only two points behind.

Chase: That's an 86.

( doll cries )

Adam: Aw, it's okay, "shut your cryhole."

( crying continues )

Adam: Okay, seriously, shut your cryhole, "shut your cryhole."

Bree: Come on, Leo, or we're gonna be late for our physics test.

Leo: Physics test? Oh, no, no, no, no. I was so busy with the fly I forgot to study. Bree... sweet, loving, caring Bree... wonderful, wise, beautif--

Bree: What do you want, Leo?

Leo: I have an idea. How about you write down the right answers, and I'll copy off your paper. Sound like a plan?

Bree: No way, Leo. I'm not helping you cheat.

Leo: Fine, I won't look at your paper. But I can't say the same for Wingston Von Dooley III.

. . .

( fly buzzing )

( buzzing )

Leo: Move your hand.

Bree: Aaah! That's it! Give me that thing! Gimme!

Perry: Hey! Bounce house! Knock it off. There are people in here trying to concentrate on failing.

Bree: But he was--

Perry: No buts. You know the rules. You leave your seat during a test, that's an automatic "F." Go! Walk the hallway of shame.

Leo: Principal Perry, wait. Can I get a little extra time? That was really distracting.

. . .

Chase: ♪ Rock-a-bye, baby, on Chase's shoulder ♪ When you fall asleep, I'll beat Adam at this assignment just like I beat him at everything else ♪

Adam: Baby onboard!

( buzzer, doll cries )

Adam: Hey!

Chase: I just lost a point because of your stupidity!

Adam: Relax. It was an accident.

( buzzer, doll cries )

Adam: Here's your baby.

Chase: Now I've lost two points! And so should you. Give me your baby!

Adam: No! Too slow! Too short! Too Chase.

( buzzer, doll cries )

Chase: (baby talk) Aw, da liddle guy musta been hungry.

. . .

Leo: Bree, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to get in trouble.

Bree: I failed that test because of you. Happy now?

Leo: No. To be honest, you're kind of sucking the joy out of my A-plus.

Bree: I'm turning you in to Perry.

Leo: You can't! If I get in trouble one more time this semester, she'll send me to summer school.

Bree: Ohh! Fine!

Leo: All right, Wingston... let's see what really goes on in the teachers lounge.

( fly buzzing )

Perry: Yechh! Gross!

Leo: Uh-oh.

Perry: Twenty years of people asking, "Gee, Terry, why do you keep a flyswatter in your purse?" (chuckles) If they could see me now. Ah. Don't make me jump! I've already split six pantsuits this semester! Ohh! I've got you now!

Leo: No! You can't kill it!

Perry: If I can kill the spirit of 300 high school students, I can certainly kill one little fly.

Leo: No! No! Stop it! It's not a real fly. It's electronic.

Perry: You brought another one of your toys here? You're just begging to go to summer school.

Leo: No. No. It's not a toy, it's a surveillance device. I control it with this watch.

Perry: Gimme.

Leo: No.

Perry: Uhh! You use this thing to spy on people?

Leo: Well, technically you could, but I would never.

Perry: Very noble, Dooley.

Leo: Thank you.

Perry: Also very dumb. Ah. I'm gonna let you off with a warning, but this now belongs to me.

( laughing )

Leo: You can't do that.

Perry: Yeah, that's what they tell me every time I apply for the Miss North America Pageant. But my bikini tells a different story.

Leo: Aahhh! Ooh!

. . .

Chase: Adam! Where's my baby? I can't find it, and it's time for its 3:15 bath.

Adam: Don't worry. He's already squeaky clean.

Chase: You put my baby in the dishwasher?!

Adam: Yeah, I had to. The toilet's too shallow.

Chase: That's it! You've just declared baby war! The diapers are off.

. . .

Adam: Hey. Where's my baby?

Chase: Oh, he wanted a snack. Waaaa...

Adam: You put my baby in a gelatin mold? Joke's on you. I'll just eat my way around him.

. . .

Adam: Oh ho. Oh ho. Oh ho ho ho ho. Chase. Your lazy baby needed exercise. I call this one "tether baby."

Chase: No! No! No! No!

( buzzer, doll cries )

( buzzer twice )

Adam: Aw, look... He's bad at sports-- just like his daddy.

. . .

( sizzling )

Chase: Oh, Adam. Care for some breakfast? I'm making waffles.

( gasps )

( buzzer, baby cries )

Chase: That oughta shut his cryhole.

. . .

Adam: Aw, Chase. Your baby looks cold.

Chase: Aaaah!

( buzzer, baby cries )

( buzzer, crying )

( crying peters out )

Adam: Ooh. Yikes. Talk about a face only a father could love.

. . .

Perry: Listen up, space wasters! I've installed a new surveillance system. And FYI, this total invasion of your privacy comes courtesy of the one and only Leo Dooley! Perry airlines cleared for takeoff!

( fly buzzing )

Perry: If you're experiencing mild turbulence, it's because we're passing over the rockies! Whoops. Those aren't mountains, those are pimples!

( laughing )

Perry: To your right, we see Lindsay Hoffman writing in her oh-so-private diary! What? Lindsay has a crush on Timmy Newcastle? I think I'll go tell him. Whoops! I think I just did! Good luck!

( evil laughter )

Leo: Perry left the charging hive. Now, Bree-- Bree. Think about what you're doing. If you give that to Perry, she can recharge the fly and my life will be over, everyone will hate me.

Bree: That's the plan.

( swarm of flies buzzing )

All: Ooh! Aah!

Leo: See what happens when you don't let me cheat off you?

. . .

( flies buzzing )

Leo: How am I gonna get all these flies back?

Bree: I don't know. And also, I don't care.

Perry: Dooley! Your stupid toy's messed up! Uhh! Where did these come from? I haven't seen this many flies since I thought my cat took a five-day nap.

( flies buzzing )

Perry: I'll open the door.

Leo: No! They're my step-dad's! I can't lose them!

Perry: That door is opening whether you're in the way or not. I just need a running start.

Leo: Can't we just talk this out like civilized--

Perry: Charge!!!

Leo: Aaaaah!

( shrieking )

Leo: Bree, I can't get all these flies back without your help.

Bree: No problem. Just tell Perry you cheated.

Leo: Really? You're still on that?

Bree: Yep. Looks like you're stuck, Leo.

Leo: "Stuck." That's it!

. . .

Leo: The best way to catch a fly is with flypaper.

Bree: Leo, that'll never work. They're not real flies.

Perry: Aaah! Sharp turns! Sharp turns! Aaah!

( crash )

Perry: I'm stuck.

( flies buzzing )

Leo: Got one.

. . .

Adam: Look what you did to my baby! I had to wrestle his arm from a golden retriever!

Chase: Well, thanks to you, my baby's face looks like creme brulee! We're both gonna fail, and the only person you have to blame is yourself for your hideous-looking cryhole!

Adam: ( gasps ) How dare you?! Lucky for you his ears are full of maple syrup.

( buzzer, doll cries )

Chase: Thirty-seven points-- You monster!

Adam: It's just a number.

Adam: My little guy may have thirty-six, but I'm still proud of him. (baby talk) Yes, I am, aren't I? Yes, I am, aren't I? ANSWER ME!!!

Chase: Wait a minute. If I turn my baby in now, I can still beat you.

( buzzer, doll cries )

( both screaming )

. . .

Perry: Hey, if anybody can hear me, there's a crowbar in my purse!

( flies buzzing )

Bree: Just confess and I can help you fix all this! You'll never be able to steer them all.

Leo: Please, have a little faith.

( remote control beeping )

Leo: What is that?

Bree: "Attack mode engaged. Stun stingers activated." This is getting better by the minute.

( loud thudding )

Leo: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh. Oh. Hey. Uh, don't worry. It says the stings aren't lethal. You'll just be stunned for ten minutes. In Spain they call this a "Siesta."

( laughs weakly )

( crying )

. . .

Adam: Aha!

Chase: Wait! There's a fly on your head.

( buzzer, doll cries )

Adam: Are you gonna get the fly or not?

( flies buzzing )

Chase: Leo, what's happening?

Leo: Oh you know, destroying priceless inventions, unleashed a biohazard, hate by all. Typical Tuesday.

Adam: Whoa! Look at all those flies! My baby! Somebody do something! Chase, throw your baby up to get mine down!

Chase: No way!

Adam: But it's gonna get hurt!

Chase: Hurt? Adam, it's a plastic doll.

( gasps )

Adam: That is so insensitive. To you he's just a piece of plastic, but to me, he's become a little fake person friend who almost never judges me. I was supposed to look after him, and I failed. I failed you, my little cryhole!

Chase: Well, I don't care. I'm going to turn mine in, which means I'm gonna win and you're gonna lose. Ha!

Adam: Yeah, I guess so. Congratulations, Chase.

Chase: Thank you. I'm gonna go now.

( flies buzzing )

Chase: I'm gonna do it. I'm leaving.

( whimpering, sniffling )

Chase: Okay, fine, I'll help you!

( buzzer, doll cries )

Adam: Thanks, Chase. That really meant a lot to me.

Chase: Um-hmm.

Adam: Especially the part where you completely fell for it!

( laughing )

( buzzer, doll cries )

Leo: Help me!

Perry: Are you ready to tell Perry you cheated?

Leo: Not really, no. Oh, come on! Adam and Chase would cover for me.

Bree: Yeah, and they also turned their babies into breakfast treats. Look, I'm your sister, and it's my job to call you out and hope that you're mature enough to take responsibility.

Leo: But I'm not! Fine. I'll tell Perry.

Bree: Smart move. I'll just use my superspeed to create a vacuum effect and suck the flies back into the hive.

Leo: What about using your bionics in public?

Bree: I think we're good.

( flies buzzing )

Leo: Wow. That was the fourth-weirdest thing I've seen all day.

Bree: Speaking of which, number three is still over there waiting for your confession.

Leo: Great. I have to confess to the wrong end of a pantsuit. Principal Perry?

Perry: (grunts) Who is that? Don't try anything; I can identify you by your stench.

Leo: It's me, Leo.

Perry: Ooh.

Leo: The only reason Bree was talking during the test was because I was using the spy fly to cheat off of her. She didn't deserve to fail; I did.

Perry: Aw, that's nice. I got an itch-- unless you're plannin' on scratchin' it, get me off of here!

( grunting )

Leo: One, two...

Perry: Aah! Ohh... ooh. Thanks, Dooley. I owe ya one.

Leo: Really?

Perry: Yeah-- one long, hot trip to summer school!

( laughing )

Perry: Forgot my eyebrows. Mm mm mm.

. . .

Chase: Adam, what are you doing?

Adam: I got so lonely I had to adopt six new babies. Meet "change your own diaper," "stop staring at me," "quit whining," "don't be a baby," "I said shh!" and Ted.

Chase: Why would you get six babies?

Adam: (laughs) Because seven would just be crazy.

Chase: Adam, this is ridiculous.

Adam: You want to borrow one, don't you?

Chase: I'll take Ted.

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